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Past Tips


The Female Orgasm

  • Orgasm (written by Erin Black, BA)
  • Dispelling a few myths & Help to reach orgasm (written by Erin black, BA)

  • Ideas about orgasm (written by other sexperts)

HTHGS: Orgasm (written by Erin Black, BA) 

Ask Erin,
Here's the story I am not going to eat my girlfriend pussy and I am trying to make her cum. We can be going for 2 hours are so and she still will not cum. she doesn’t have a problem with not cumming but I do so what should I do? 

Dear “What Should I Do,” 
There are several things you can do instead of going down on your girlfriend to help her reach orgasm or cum. First, it is important to talk to your girlfriend and listen to what she has to say about orgasms and her own sexual needs. Second, you need to relax and enjoy sex without having a specific goal in mind. When you are so focused on helping her cum your tension can make her stressed out and less likely to reach orgasm.  

Talk to your girlfriend and ask what she likes to have touched. Maybe she gets really turned on when you touch her nipples and breasts or kiss and nibble her ears. The only way you can find her hot spots is to ask or explore for yourself. Next time you have sex try laying her down and start at the top or bottom and kiss, touch, nibble or lick every part of her body that you are comfortable touching or licking. Go slow and listen to her responses. By finding hot spots you may be able to help her reach orgasm.  

The best thing you can do is to talk to your girlfriend and find out what she wants or what really turns her on. If she doesn’t really know, the two of you get to experiment and try new things and explore each other bodies, which can be just as rewarding as reaching orgasm. By not setting the goal of reaching orgasm for every time you have sex both you and your girlfriend can have fun and when sex is relaxed you’ll find that orgasms may be easier to reach. 

There are a number of books available that have pictures or detailed instructions on all the how to’s of sex, I suggest you read any of these with your girlfriend and talk about what you both like. Also, never forget the number of sex toys available for sexual pleasure. This website, has a links for books and sex toys. Browse around and see if anything catches your fancy. Remember sex is about both you and your partner and communication is the best way to know what is going to get both of you sexually aroused.  Erin Black, BA

HTHGS: Dispelling a few myths & Help to reach orgasm (written by Erin black, BA)

Ask Erin,
My name is Christina and I had a few questions about my sex life.
1. I have been with a handful of men and I have never been able to climax. I would consider some of them better then others, but it seems that I just can't finish.
2. I am married now and I have sex with my husband maybe 5 times a week, and I hear that that is plenty more then normal. I want to know why I can't be sated. I have to sex all the time or I get crabby and accusatory.
       Well, I guess that will kind of answer everything I have to ask. Thanks for your time.

 Dear Christina,
First of all I am going to help you work through some myths that you are focused on and maybe that will help.  Then I am going to talk about some general techniques for helping a woman reach orgasm.  Finally, I am going to revisit why the myths are possibly preventing you from reaching orgasm. 

The most important thing to remember is that sex includes everything from making out on the couch, to giving each other oral sex, to taking a bath together, to sharing an intimate meal and the obvious and most talked about, having intercourse.  In all these different acts of sex there is no finish line.  Orgasm is a wonderful experience that makes being with someone or exploring yourself rewarding.  However, if your only focus is to orgasm, peak, climax or finish, you are missing out on all the fun touching, kissing, tasting, holding or feeling can be during sex.  A simple explanation and a relatively down to earth view is that when you are stressed and worried about reaching orgasm or finishing it prevents you from relaxing and enjoying.

Another idea that you state in your question is that you “hear” that having sex about five times a week is more than normal.  Who did you hear this from?  There is no limit or number of times for having sex that make it normal or abnormal unless having sex interferes with your ability to function at work or in your social life.  Generally, though, if you can have sex and it does not interfere with life then have at it!  I felt it was important for you to understand that the idea of finishing and having sex more than normal are not truths and something you should base your sexual experiences on.

Now on to the nitty gritty.  As I mentioned before orgasm is fabulous and certainly worth trying to achieve.  Since you have never had an orgasm during sexual intercourse I would suggest trying masturbation and seeing if you can reach orgasm yourself.  Masturbation is an excellent way for you to explore who you are and what your hot spots are – the places when touched make you crazy!  If you choose not to masturbate or after you have explored yourself you can try a few techniques in bed.  For example, when you start to feel like you are close or reaching orgasm tense all the muscles in your body.  By doing this you help to tense your pelvic muscles, which are what create the feeling of an orgasm.  This is a quick and dirty explanation and you can find more in-depth information in a number of books.

 My best advice is that you not focus on this goal of finishing and enjoy the sensations involved in all activities associated with sex.  Be true to yourself and if you feel that something more is need in your relationship such as toys, chocolate sauce, role playing or whatever turns you on – talk to your partner.  As for the need to be sated, you do not always need a partner to fulfill your needs, which comes in handy when your partner is at work, out with friends or away on a trip.  You have the power to pleasure yourself and that will also help you to understand what needs to be done to help you reach orgasm during sexual intercourse. Erin Black, BA



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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS
"Alex" Caroline Robboy is a certified sex therapist through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists and an American Board Certified Sexologist. In addition, she is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and a member of the North American Society for Psychological Obstetrics and Gynecology.


  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 

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