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BREAKING UP!
By Lancie Martin Mazza, LCSW

Dear Readers,
I have been getting a lot of letters, which look a little like this: 

My boyfriend or girlfriend broke up with me and said he/she just wants to be friends.  What can I do to get him/her back?  How long do you think it will take for him/her to come back, because I know he/she truly loves me?  I am feeling so depressed and desperate.

 Lets face it; the “lets be friends” line is the oldest one in the book.  This is the easiest and most utilized way to let a partner down easily.  What he/she is really saying is this relationship is over and I am trying not to hurt your feelings.

 So what can you do to get them back?  Nothing.  Accept the fact that your ex-partner is ready to move on.  Be thankful that he/she is being so clear in his/her communication with you.  I have counseled far to many individuals who have been cheated on or are doing the cheating while still involved in a relationship.  Your ex-partner has shown you a great deal of respect by ending the relationship before moving on to another.

 I know, many of you are reading this and saying “That may be true for others but Jim or Jane, really loves me.  He/She is just a little confused right now.”  O.K. for arguments sake lets say you are right.  If he/she is really confused the worst thing you can do is to rush his/her process.  Pushing someone to work through his or her emotions faster then he/she is ready to could be disastrous.  He/She will most likely move further away from you, needing to find freedom, rather than running back into your arms.

 Feeling depressed, desperate, and needy are all natural feelings when you loss someone you love.  It is the length of time you allow yourself to be disabled by these feelings that will determine when you start to move on with your own life.  If you are so desperate you are considering hurting yourself, there may be other issues going on in your life other than just losing and boyfriend or girlfriend.  In these cases I suggest you seek outside counseling from your local mental health clinic.

 

 

 

 

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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS
"Alex" Caroline Robboy is a certified sex therapist through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists and an American Board Certified Sexologist. In addition, she is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and a member of the North American Society for Psychological Obstetrics and Gynecology.

 

  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to alex@howtohavegoodsex.com and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 
                                                                                    

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