Cheating Heart
How To Have Good Sex, Inc.
Cheating Heart (writtenby Lancie Martin Mazza, LCSW) Deceit (Written by Alex Robboy & other sexperts)
HTHGS: Cheating Heart (writtenby Lancie Martin Mazza, LCSW)
Ask Lanice,
I have been seeing my current
girlfriend for approximately 2 years.
We have been friends however, for about 6 years.
During those 6
years, I was always trying to pursue here
interests romantically. We
finally go together 2 years ago, and have been
together ever since. She began working for a company I started about a year
ago. Over that
period of time, I feel that our personal and
business relationships are no longer distinguished.
I feel like I am going home to an
employee, not a girlfriend. There
aren't any things we can talk about any
more. It's all business. Now
an interesting twist. About a month ago, I
got together with a girl
that works for a client of mine. I have
always kind of fancied this
girl in a purely asexual sense, until
recently. Now that we have
gotten together, I love to be with her.
Neither one knows about the
other. I love to spend time with my new
interest, yet I feel guilty
about my girlfriend. She has done so much
for me and helped me
through so much. I feel that I owe it to
her to give our relationship
a try and work things out, but I can't get the
other out of my head. I love being with her.
Help. Misdirected, I think...
Dear Misdirected,
I would say that you have chosen a
proper name for yourself. When I
first started to read your letter for help
I was actually empathetic
toward your situation. It is very
difficult to maintain a romantic
relationship with two individuals who are
also professionally
involved. I am not saying it is an
impossible task, however that type
of situation does call for two people who
have a strong sense of
individuality and commitment to their
relationship.
The feeling you are having of
"never leaving the office" is valid and
needs to be addressed. Had you written to
me before asking your
girlfriend to venture into a business
relationship with you, I would
have strongly encouraged you to
reconsider. Had you written to me
before cheating on her I would have also
encouraged you to reconsider.
It sounds as though you are acting
before taking the time to really
think things through. Not only have you
probably destroyed any chance for your current relationship to work, but
also you have started a
new one based on lies. Not to mention the
fact that you have placed
your career in serious jeopardy. If your
current girlfriend finds out
about the affair, she may choose to quit
which will leave you short
handed. She could also choose to stay at
her job (which she has every
right) that will continue to leave you in
an uncomfortable working
environment. Now the messy part, your new
friend works for a client. That is the best way I know to lose business and
destroy potential romance.
What to do? You owe your current
girlfriend the respect she deserves. Break off the other relationship until
you have settled your feelings in your current one. Tell your girlfriend about
the frustrations concerning work and home constantly mixing. Give her a chance
to find another job. If you truly no longer have
romantic feelings toward her
then make a clean break. Be honest with her and
give her the information she needs to make clear choices for
herself. Then, and only then, can you begin a guilt free relationship
with another.
Lancie
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