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Contraception & Birth Control 
How To Have Good Sex, Inc.

HTHGS:  Dealing with contraception (written by Shan & Claude)

Ask Shan & Claude,
I need some advice. Even since my Missy gave birth to our 2nd child, we had problems having sex. As an act of family planning, we use condoms whenever we make love, with the help of KY jelly sometimes. Unfortunately, each time after making love, my wife becomes sore at the virginal with redness and it hurts and sometimes there is also green discharge. We consulted doctors and were told that the redness could be caused by the layer of skin being too thin at the affected area and the discharge is common for most lady after birth. She is afraid to go on the Pill as she gets a lot of side effects from it. The use of a diaphragm is also out of the question as it would cause heavy flow during her monthly periods. the use of other family planning like the calculating of periods has also failed. We have even contempt to go for sterilization, but having read that it would be irreversible, we have given up on it. My Missy and me would like to have a health sex life, but this has caused us much pain and frustration. She suspect that the redness and the pain after sex could be caused by the condom that we use which includes spermicidal. Please help. Michael

Dear Michael,
When dealing with contraception there are always many possible answers ≠ which is hopefully good news to you.  The irritation may in fact be caused by a spermicide ≠ or she may have a latex allergy.  You could try polyurethane condoms or you could try non-lubricated condoms.  She sounds sensitive to hormonal methods ≠ so Depo and Norplant are probably out.  But, have you and her thought of an IUD?  There are some myths floating out there that these things are bad ≠ but they really have a lot of advantages that may work for you.  They can be in for years and you donít have to put anything on at the time of intercourse.  Millions of people use them without fail.  They are very effective and do not involve hormones.  Perhaps you and her could do some research on the different types of Intrauterine Devices or other contraception together.  The web is great for such research.  Whichever method(s) you select ≠ remember ≠ the best method is the one that works for you and her!  If you are going to use it or it hurts or it doesnít match your values it will not work effectively because you wonít use it. Shan & Claude



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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS
"Alex" Caroline Robboy is a certified sex therapist through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists and an American Board Certified Sexologist. In addition, she is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and a member of the North American Society for Psychological Obstetrics and Gynecology.


  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
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