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How To Have Good Sex, Inc.
How To Have Good Sex, Inc.
rules of cyber sexing . . .(written by Shan&Claude)
question is fascinating. Let us
start by writing that you do not have to apologize for the length.
It is not the size that counts! You
have raised some wonderful issues. We
do not think that you are a sex addict at all.
It sounds like you are a person who is grappling with concepts that many
people in relationships deal with: boundaries, limits, needs, desires, monogamy,
flirting, etc… You also seem to be exploring the role of technology in
relationships. You come across as an honest and responsible person who enjoys
flirting and expressing sexuality in a healthy way that is free of risks such as
pregnancy and disease and is having trouble expressing those needs to your
the emergence of new technology we must establish some new protocol and new
social and relationship etiquette. However,
even though this technology may be new, relationships are not!
We can base the etiquette on our experiences and relationships prior to
cybersex and erotic e-mail. How you
handle this situation will depend on your values and beliefs about all
relationships. Couples of the
future will most certainly be facing the “techno-sex” issue more and more.
How would you handle this issue is “Sue” was your across from you
right now? If she expressed her
need for absolute exclusiveness what would you tell her? What are your needs? You will have to determine if there is
any room to negotiate. Does it have
to be so “all-or-none?” Does it
have to be “Sue” and no flirting or lose her completely?
You sound like you want/need to have your cyber-experiences while
maintaining exclusiveness physically? Is
she being considerate of your needs? Does
she have the ability to be considerate to your desires?
is clear that a day will come, hopefully soon, when you tell “Sue” where you
are at on these issues. You articulated your dilemma clearly to us.
Have you been able to tell her about your confusion? You will need to be
honest with yourself about what you want and then decide if the relationship is
going to meet your needs. Sometimes
it is painful to end relationships – but not nearly as trying to live your
life for years as someone you are not. Flirting
and having many friends and cybersex partners seems important to you and
something you enjoy. If she really
cares about you it seems like she would recognize your needs and desires and if
she can not accept you for who you are - let you know it is not going to work
out. You will also have to
ask yourself if you are willing to give that part of yourself up, because she is
uncomfortable with that side of you – even though on some level she must like
that side of you!
is not really what you do – whether it is face-to-face touching or romantic
e-mails – your partner could feel betrayed or could think you cheated.
It will be for you two to figure out what is acceptable in the
relationship and what is cheating and what your boundaries are – on the web
and in face-to-face interactions. Establishing
such boundaries and guidelines are important in every relationship.
can love someone very much and that does not mean you will ever stop being
attracted to others. Some people buy into the myth that when you meet your true
“soul-mate” all other attractions will disappear. What this does is make people break-up! Some people will spend their entire lives waiting for their
attraction to others turn-off so they know whether they are with “the one.”
For most people that day never comes and a lot of people miss the
opportunity to get to know and love another “real” person - with attractions
think it is great that you are being honest about what you want and questioning
where you are at in this relationship. Some
people would just lie and tell her that they stopped the internet stuff.
That doesn’t seem like much of a solution since it does not really get
to the root of her needs or your needs or her feelings or your feelings.
Your cybersex techno-helpers,
Cybersex (written by Shan & Claude)
Ask Shan & Claude,
These are all valuable
resources. However, the best resource is your mind!
Online Porn, Cyber Sex and Porn (written by Shan & Claude)
Shan & Claude,
The on-line porn and masturbation is only a problem if you think it is interfering with your relationship with your wife. It does sound like you may believe it is a problem for you. If that is the case you could seek out a sex therapist for a variety of options LocateATherapist We believe there is probably a way for you to give your wife the attention she needs and to spend quality time with yourself as well. Instead of trying to eliminate something from your life that you enjoy maybe you could incorporate it with her? Would it be possible to do with her? Could she get on the phone with you? Could she be a part of your fantasies – instead of apart from your fantasies? Shan & Claude
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