Sexual Abuse
How To Have Good Sex, Inc.
HTHGS:
Sexual Abuse (written by Shan & Claudette MS.Ed.)
Ask Shan & Claudette,
Hi my name is Larni-Jean and I am 22 my question is similar to Renee's I was
abused sexually from the ages of 1-5 yrs and held onto the abuse due to the fact
my mother was ill at the time and my father was working f/time. I was handed
around to family from my mothers side so her brother in law up the road picked
me up when he could that's when the trouble started... Until I held onto it till
I got raped again at the age of 18 at a friends house and it all came flooding
back... Well after that I found a partner and I was doing work experience I saw
him while working and memories feared me so I left. My mate concerned wanted to
know so I played around first before I told him. I was given much support to
have counseling and I was restarting my classes. But he then though while having
sex that this was not because I was abused and raped too. I said nothing
thinking I could heal by my self.
I then did not go back onto
contraception and fell pregnant. This I thought would solve my problems.
But unfortunately it has not covered up my past.
I am finding it a bit
difficult to come to terms with this. I do not know whether I have
done the right thing or not? Although I love my son very much because he
was born male I didn't think I might cope as my I was abused by my Uncle. But I
have done well so far I think? Every where my mate goes I got to go and he
cant understand the way I want sex regards to being the same as the abuse as I
reckon it makes me feel better and it blocks me from my mind. I reckon
this is not right do you have any suggestions. I really want to have a
loving relationship and have good sex after all while still loving my child.
Larni-Jean
Dear L-J,
You sound like you are in a lot of pain. We recommend that you contact
some local social agencies in your area to inquire about services. There
are many numbers and websites that could help you deal with your past abuse and
what is haunting you currently. Many of the numbers are in the Blue Pages
of the phone book. You may want to start with RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and
Incest National Network) 1 800 656-HOPE or the Family Violence Awareness Page (www.famvi.org)
or the National Resource Center on Violence 1 800 537-2238. Some rare
individuals can heal by themselves but most need help. Much of your
pain was caused by the cruelty of others let a kind and helping person counter
some of the abuse that you have experienced. As you have discovered having a
baby does not make previous pain disappear. Nothing will bury your pain so
deep as to make you forget about it forever.
Dealing
with it and looking at your pain, on your terms and when you are ready, is the
best way to go about healing. It may comfort you to know that as a parent
you play a very important part in your son’s life and you can help him grow
into a man who does not treat women or girls with the disrespect and violence
that you experienced. We highly recommend that you seek a counselor or
therapist to talk about these powerful issues that still continue to impact many
of your decisions and feelings about yourself and how you interact with (and
what you think about) men. We hope this e-mail is the springboard that
encourages you to seek professional help to begin the road to healing or
re-defining your life. Shan & Claude
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