Liking me

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Liking Me
How To Have Good Sex, Inc.

Liking me (written by Shan & Claude)

Relationships Written by Alex Robboy & Other Sexperts

HTHGS: Liking me (written by Shan & Claude)
Ask Shan&Claude,
Hi how are you? I have a little question that I need to know an answer to. in the past few months I have gained a great friendship with this guy I know. We are the best of friends and we always hang out. from day one I have liked him a lot, he does know this. he says he doesn't have these same feelings for me. A few months ago he went out with a friend of both of us. it was very hard for me but I dealt with it b/c I care about him. while he was with her he kissed me few times. that was weird but I didn't stop him. I could never see him doing that he aint like that at all. last month they split up. this past weekend we were messing around and we were just about to "do it", when he went limp. I don't know what the reason for this might have been and I really didn't know how to react to this situation. he says, he isn't sexually comfortable with me yet. I was wondering if it was b/c he was nervous or I did something? I don't know if he has those feeling for me, I wish I knew but I’ll never understand him. Any help would be appreciated, thank you , kd

Dear KD,
We are well thank you for asking!
The first question that we would like to direct at you is, “If he doesn’t have “those” kind of feelings for you, what feelings does he have for you?” Have you asked him exactly what his thoughts and feelings and attractions are? The situation with the friend sounds a bit complicated and we don’t have enough information to make any speculations about what is going on in regard to intimacy, triangulation, cheating, etc. It is common for men to lose their erection, particularly when they move into their later years (40+) and also if they are anxious or nervous. There are a variety of techniques that can remedy the situation, but it sounds more like you want to know what he is feeling than how he can get his erection back. It seems important for you to know what he is feeling so that you can deal with the situation and relationship with your eyes open. That may be difficult because you may hear things that you do not want to hear. But, we believe it is worth it because it is better to find out what is going on now than years of confusion and pain later. Hopefully, he will be able to be honest with you and articulate what he is feeling and thinking. You may be able to help him be honest and genuine by letting him know how important it is to you and that you need to hear where he is at. Does that help? Shan&Claude

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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS "Alex" Caroline Robboy is a certified sex therapist through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists and an American Board Certified Sexologist. In addition, she is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and a member of the North American Society for Psychological Obstetrics and Gynecology.
	Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to alex@howtohavegoodsex.com and I will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website.
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