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How to last longer

HTHGS: Needing to last longer (Written by Kelly Connell)

Ask Kelly,
Hi I am 19 years old and me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years and there is only been 4 times out of that 3yrs that I got her to cum before I did.  Is there any way I can last longer?  Needing to last longer

Dear Needing to last longer,
I see 2 questions here. One is dealing with helping your girlfriend to have an orgasm and the second is maintaining your erection longer.

One the first part, most women do not orgasm from intercourse alone.  The vagina itself has very few nerve endings and with exception of stimulating the G-spot, which is about 1/3 of the way inside the vagina, most women do not get stimulated enough to orgasm this way.  Many women state they have the best orgasms through oral sex or having their clitoris stimulated by a hand or finger.  You did not mention if you and your girlfriend do this. By far, the best way to help your girlfriend have an orgasm is to talk to her and see what she find pleasurable.  Communication is the best tool for a healthy and satisfying sex life.

As far as lasting longer, you do not say how long your currently last. There seems to be a feeling among men that no matter how long they last, it isn't long enough.  Ejaculatory control is a learned behavior.  Men can teach themselves to delay ejaculation by the way they masturbate.  By the same token, they can also teach themselves to come very quickly by the way they masturbate as well.  Most men, when they masturbate do it as fast as they can to get to the ejaculation so they feel relief.  This trains their bodies to come very quickly.  In order to train your body to delay ejaculation, you must take your time masturbating.

Another technique that may help is called the start and stop method. While masturbating or having intercourse, stop every couple of minutes and relax.  Then begin again.  This can also help delay ejaculation. Try these things and email me with any more questions.

Good luck! Kelly Connell MS.Ed


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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS
"Alex" Caroline Robboy is a certified sex therapist through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists and an American Board Certified Sexologist. In addition, she is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and a member of the North American Society for Psychological Obstetrics and Gynecology.


  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
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