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Initiation
How To Have Good Sex, Inc.
HTHGS:
Approaching a female about sex (written by Kelly Connell, MS.Ed.)
Ask Kelly,
What is the best way to approach a female about sex? How could I make her feel
more comfortable about being with me? Should I tell her I am a virgin before or
after sex? What is your advice for my first time? I know I probably won't last
long but I have always heard that foreplay is the key. I am a little
scared about oral sex, how does it taste? Should I perform it my first time or
stay away from it? I think that it would be a good idea, but??? Brandon,
Dear Brandon,
What is the best way to approach a female about sex? TALK to her! Tell her
how you feel and that you are thinking you would like to have sex. If you
are going farther and farther physically with each date, you are pretty much
leading up to it. Tell her before things go farther, you think you should talk
about some things before hand. Tell her how you feel about her and that
you are attracted to her. See if she feels the same.
How could I make her feel more comfortable about
being with me? Don't rush her. Don't pressure her. Tell her you are in no
rush. Get to know her as a person. It takes time to build trust and to
build a relationship. be yourself.
Should I tell her I am a
virgin before or after sex? That is a personal decision and it is up to you.
You said she is experienced. Does that bother you? Being a virgin is
nothing to be ashamed of. It may be a good way to break the ice about where your
relationship is going physically. You may want to tell her you have never
had sex before and why. Have you been waiting for the right person and you think
it is her? Are you concerned that she wont enjoy it because she is experienced
and you are not?
What is your advice for
my first time? I know I probably won't last long but I have always heard that
foreplay is the key. Why don't you think you will last long? Foreplay is
important, for both of you. If you are working up to sex, you may have already
petted, had oral sex or made out. The best advice I can give you is to go slow.
Take your time. Talk to her about what she likes. Also, follow your instincts.
What different kinds of foreplay could I perform?
That depends on what she likes or what she wants. All people are different and
not everyone likes the same things.
I am a little scared about oral sex, how does it
taste? Should I perform it my first time or stay away from it? I think that it
would be a good idea, but??? It shouldn't taste bad. IF it does, then she may
have a medical problem. I can't tell you if you should do it or not. That
is between the two of you. Ask her if she likes it or take your cue from the
signals she sends, how she responds when you attempt it.
Remember, very few people see skyrockets the first
time they have sex. They are usually nervous and self conscious. Second,
sex is something that with time and the right partner, can only improve. As you
get to know each other's bodies and experiment with what pleases you, you will
begin to be more comfortable with each other. Communication is the most
important thing. Third, just because she has had sex does not mean all her
sexual experiences were good. It also doesn't mean she will comparing you to
anyone else. Everyone has their own lovemaking style. If you are nervous
about being a virgin when she isn’t because of this, then maybe you should
think about telling her that. Fourth, there are several good books out there
about sex and technique. You can find them at bookstores or at the library in
many cases. Try the old standard "The Joy of Sex" . Just go in
and browse. It is nothing to be ashamed of. Lastly, if you decide to have
sex, you need to discuss what method of birth control you are going to use to
prevent pregnancy and because she has had sex before, you need to use condoms. I
hope this helps! Good luck Kelly Connell, MS.Ed
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