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____ How To Have Good Sex! |
Sex for the first time
HTHGS:
Sex for the first time (written by Kelly Connell MS.Ed) Dear Kelly, Dear Ryan, The best advice I can give
you is to take your time. Learn about each other, explore each other's bodies
through touch, kissing etc. Communication is the best ingredient for
good sex. Ask her what she would like or if something you are doing feels good.
Tell her when she is pleasing you or what you would like to try. If it is the first time for
both of you, be sure to take it easy when you enter her for the first time. It
may be uncomfortable for her if her hymen (a thin membrane in the vagina) has
not been broken. Make sure she is lubricated enough. Most people do not have
mind blowing sex the first time. They are nervous and still getting to
know each other and now they have a whole new way to get to know each other. The good news is that, sex
can get better and better the more you learn about each other and communicate.
It takes a lot of trust to share your body with someone so it is important that
you respect each other and only engage in activities that you BOTH agree on. If you don't want to get
pregnant, be sure to use a reliable method of birth control AND condoms. Relax
and let your instincts guide you. Good luck! HTHGS:
Having sex with a virgin (written by Kelly) Ask Kelly, Answer: Second, your girlfriend may
still have her hymen in tact. The hymen is a thin membrane inside the
vagina. Sometimes something as simple as inserting a tampon during a
woman's period will break it. Sometimes it is thinker and stronger than
usual and the woman has to see a doctor and have it broken. This is usually not painful and only takes an office visit. You may have heard the old wives tale about blood on the bed sheets on the wedding night being proof that the bride was a virgin. Supposedly that was because the hymen was not ruptured until the wedding night and it caused bleeding. When in fact, bleeding during intercourse is not a sign of virginity since the hymen can be broken so easily from everyday activities. I would recommend she make an appointment with a GYN for an exam. A woman should do this once she becomes sexually active any way and if you are not already using it, the doctor can supply you both with condoms and an effective method of birth control so you don't get pregnant. During the exam the doctor can determine if her hymen is still in tact and if so take care of it. If you are not 18 or over and you are concerned about confidentiality or money, you can be seen at any family planning clinic like Planned Parenthood for free and they cannot tell your parents. Just look in the yellow pages under birth control or family planning. The main thing is to be patient. While you are waiting to see the doctor, there are other sexual activities you can enjoy. Good luck! Kelly Connell HTHGS: How to make sex hurt less
(written by Kelly Connell MS.Ed.) Ask Kelly, Dear Melissa, The pain you are describing was most likely your hymen
breaking. The hymen is a thin membrane in the vagina that all women are
born with, but doesn't really serve any purpose :) It can be broken by
many things, such as inserting a tampon or finger into the vagina or even riding
a bike and the woman usually never even knows this has occurred. Many
women experience a small amount of bleeding but many do not. If the
membrane is still intact when you first have sex, then it will be broken then
and it may cause a little pain or discomfort. Also keep in mind that you are just getting used to having a
penis inside you and it can take a while to feel comfortable with that. Be sure
you have enough foreplay. The vagina needs to lubricate for intercourse
but it also needs to open and expand. Using a finger may help this process
along and may feel pleasurable. As far as feeling pleasurable goes...again what you are
experiencing is perfectly normal for a variety of reasons. I know there is
an idea out there that the first time you have sex it is supposed to be a
mind-blowing experience, but most women state their first time is not
pleasurable and is often uncomfortable and even painful. The good news is,
is that it can only get better. As you and your boyfriend continue to have
sex and explore each other's bodies and what feels good it can improve. Take you
time, touch each other, learn what you each like. Many women do not get a lot of pleasure from intercourse
itself. The vagina does not have many nerve endings, so there is not a lot
of stimulation. Most women state they get a great deal of pleasure from
oral sex, or having their clitoris stimulated with a tonge or finger, and this
is how they reach orgasm. You did not mention whether you and your partner have
tried this. Neither you or your partner have done anything wrong. A good, healthy sex life is something that everyone has to work at. Try these things and if you have any more questions, please email me. By the way... I hope you are using a reliable method of birth control if you do not wish to be pregnant right now! Kelly HTHGS: Extreme pain (written by Kelly
Connell MS.Ed) Ask Kelly, Finally, about a month ago, we tried again. This time is seemed to work. Even though she was in much pain, I was able to slide inside of her further than ever and she told me to keep going. We proceeded to have intercourse until I ejaculated in her (using a condom of course, and yes she is on BC). She had some bleeding and soreness afterwards, but eventually this stopped. So naturally we thought we had broken her hymen because of the bleeding. Now a month later, this being the first time since the last time that we've gotten alone, we attempted to have sex again. This time it did not go so well. We tried again, but again, there was extreme pain, according to her it was worse. I then attempted to finger her to try and stretch the opening but this did not work as she was still in pain. Frustrated more than ever, we both gave up. I am very concerned about this as is she. She is very worried that this is the way it's going to be every time and her confidence is beginning to fade. We have tried to use lubrication but this doesn't seem to work. One thing that she has told me is that she's never been able to use a tampon, that the pain is too bad. I do know she is very small down there as my ex wasn't as small as she is. Can you tell me anything we can do to make this go a little more smoothly? Anything I can do at least? We love each other so much and we want to enjoy having sex but it just isn't going the way it seems like it should. I would appreciate your help. Thank you so much and I will look forward to hearing from you!! Sincerely, Justin in NC Justin, It sounds like you two have tried all the right things and that you have been very patient and loving. Sometimes, when a woman has a small vagina and a man has a large penis, it takes a few times for the vagina to learn to accommodate it. you may want to try different positions such as her getting on top where she can control the amount of penetration. Then she can slowly take in as much of your penis as she feels comfortable with. I hope this helps! Kelly HTHGS: My
boyfriend is a virgin (Kelly Connell MS.Ed.) Ask Kelly, Dear Melissa, However, if you are having any doubts about having sex with
this person then maybe you should consider waiting until you are sure it is
something you want to do. Sex is not an emergency and no one ever died from not
having it. You are not obligated to have sex with anyone. You should do it
when you are ready because YOU want to. There is nothing wrong with
waiting until you get to know each other better and there are other things you
can do sexually besides intercourse. If you do decide to have sex remember to
use a good contraceptive and condoms!
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