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 Vaginal Dryness

  • Vaginal dryness (written by Kelly Connell, MS.Ed.)  

  • Wet vagina (written by Kelly Connell, MS.Ed.)

  • Information on lubrication (written by other sexperts)

HTHGS: Vaginal Dryness (written by Kelly Connell, MS.Ed.)

Ask Kelly,
I have recently started to have problems with vaginal dryness due to my age. I will be talking to my doctor about this to look at options. This question may seem silly but since I have never had to use lubrication before I would like to know how and where to apply the lubrication to make it most effective and to make it last the longest so we don't have to stop to reapply if possible. Also suggestions also on what products work best.  We use condoms so the product has to be condom friendly to. Thanks for your help.

Dear Suzanne,
You did not mention how old you are or if you are going through menopause but I will try to give you some tips that may help you. First, you are absolutely correct when you mention talking to your doctor. He/She may want to give you hormone replacement therapy. Also, vaginal dryness can be a side effect of certain medications. 

There are NO silly questions! I am glad you felt comfortable enough to write to me.  There are many brands of lubricants out there today. Flavored, unflavored, some with spermacide, some thick, some thin etc. If you are using condoms, which by the way, is great! you want to use something that is WATER based.  DO NOT use oil based products like vaseline, cooking oil or some of the lubricants sold in stores. Always check the label first.  Oil based lubricants destroy condoms very fast and they will make them break within minutes.  Water based lubricants are condoms friendly.  As for brands, there is KY Jelly or Liquid, Astroglide, and Wet just to name a few. Some are available at your local drug store, but depending where you live, stores like Condom Kingdom or Condom Mania have a wide selection. I think they are available online through these stores. It might be fun for you and your partner to experiment with different brands, flavors etc. to see which ones you like the best. As for applying the lubricant...start by putting some on the outside of the condom once it is on his penis.  Then put some on the outside of your vagina, and inner labia (lips)  this will help you be more comfortable with the friction of intercourse.  Lastly, try putting some inside the vagina. You can put some on the inner part of your vagina, by the entrance, with your finger. If your have small or short fingers (or your partner does) and can't manage to get some up inside the vagina, you can use an applicator like the ones that come with spermacide.  You may not need to use a lot at first. Start with small amounts and gradually increase the amount until you feel comfortable.  You may also need to stop during sex and add more. Vaginal dryness is very common in women as they age but it need not be a barrier to a satisfying sex life.  Talk to your doctor and try these things. I have mentioned. Good luck! Kelly Connell, MS.Ed.

HTHGS: Wet Vagina (Kelly Connell, MS.Ed.)

Dear Kelly,
Please help me.  I have an embarrassing thing I need help with.  My vagina is always wet unbelievably. Sometimes it is nice but other times it is very embarrassing.  I am not that horny of a person to be wet all the time and it is gross because my underwear is always wet as well.  Please tell me what I can do to make it better. It worries me because I think men think it is gross sometimes when I get fingered when they pull out their finger there is slime stuff on it.  I know that I do not have a sexual transmitted disease so it is not discharge.  Is douching something I should look into???? If so how to I go about doing it. Embarrassed Sue

Dear Sue,
Please do not be embarrassed. Women's vaginas are like a self-cleaning oven. They continuously lubricate and clean themselves to protect against infection.  The amount of vaginal lubrication also changes with the menstrual cycle because of the hormone fluctuation in the body. The slime stuff you are referring to may be occurring when you are ovulating and the vaginal secretions take on an egg white appearance and texture. This is perfectly normal. There are vaginal secretions that have nothing to do with sexual arousal, they are just part of the normal function of the vagina. The first thing I would do is make an appointment with my gynecologist. Just because you don't have a sexually transmitted disease does not mean there isn't something else going on. Ask them to do a blood test to check your hormone levels.  You may be producing a lot of a certain hormone and your body responds by producing an excess of vaginal secretions. or you may just be one of those women who lubricate a lot and that is what is normal for you.

 If you are concerned about your partnerís reaction to your lubrication, try having a towel or wet washcloth next to the bed or where ever you are having sex where he can wipe his hands if he wants to.  However, many times I think the woman is worried about his reaction and he doesnít even notice or think anything is wrong. If you are concerned about your underwear, try wearing an unscented panty liner. 

Lastly, DO NOT DOUCHE!!!!! I cannot stress this enough!! Douching is bad for you for several reasons. The advertising industry tries to convince women that their vaginas should smell like a rose garden. You have a natural smell and secretion level. Douching wipes all the normal secretions away and your body OVERCOMPENSATES by producing MORE secretions!  In other words, it will come back heavier!  You are also wiping away the normal bacteria that live in the vagina and it will come back heavier too, often resulting in a infection as the bacteria produce at a high rate to try to catch up.  If you do have an infection douching pushes the infection higher up into your vagina transferring all that infection to your uterus and fallopian tubes.  it can be very dangerous. Even the ones made of water are unsafe. If something does not look right, feel right or smell right it is usually because something is not right and you need to get to a doctor! Same goes for all the deodorant tampons, pads etc. You are putting chemicals into your vagina every time you use them. I hope this helps Kelly Connell, MS.Ed.

 

 

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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS
"Alex" Caroline Robboy is a certified sex therapist through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists and an American Board Certified Sexologist. In addition, she is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and a member of the North American Society for Psychological Obstetrics and Gynecology.

 

  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to alex@howtohavegoodsex.com and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 
                                                                                    

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