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Sex Toys
How To Have Good Sex, Inc.

  1. Sex toys in the house
  2. Sex toys one needs to purchase
  3. Toy Shop
  4. Dildo harness
  5. The Love Swing TLS
  6. Vibrators V
  7. Tongue Vibrator TV
  8. Olive Oil (written by Fulbright MS.Ed.)
  9. Shower head
  10. Candles (written by Shan&Claude)

HTHGS: Sex Toys in the house 
There are many common household items, which have unusual sexual applications. However, all 'toys' used for vaginal or anal insertion should be the real thing. Common household items, such as cucumbers, light bulbs, and bottles all run the risk of breaking. The embarrassment of purchasing a butt plug or dildo on-line or at your local sex shop is far lower than explaining to the attending doctor at the emergency room how a glass jar became stuck inside your anus. Safe common sex toys are the following:

Ice cubes: Hold inside mouth and give annilingus, cunnilingus, and/or fellatio as normal. This is sure to create a wild sensation.

Hot water: Hold inside mouth and give annilingus, cunnilingus, and/or fellatio as normal. This compliments the ice cubes.

Food: Transform your partner into your favorite desert and then eat her / him! Your partner could become a fruit salad, banana split Sunday, or a caramel delight.

Saran wrap: Roll your partner with saran wrap from shoulder to toe. Then touch them all over. To touch them use: your hands, food (varying textures and temperatures), and course feathers and such.

Koosh-balls: Otherwise known as sex-balls, sometimes is used as a medium to touch your partner.

Rubber duckies: Get naked and play childhood games in the bathtub (with adult applications of course!)

Ties & Nylons: Ties and nylons make great handcuffs

Rope, chains, extension cords, sheets: These items can all be used to secure your partner to one location. To do this, attach the rope to the handcuff (ie. tie) and then to some secure place that is stationary, such as a bedpost.

Scarves & socks: Scarves and socks make great blindfolds.

Pull your couch apart and make a fortress like you did as a child: Once inside this fortress, having just saved the prince from the evil crocodiles pull him into a deep kiss.

Make a home movie of the two (one, two or three of you) having sex and watch it!

However, ordering real toys can be much more fun!

What is a "sex toy?"

Anything and everything can be a sex toy, except for a prophylaxis contraception and disease prevention. All items referred to as a sex toy, must meet the following condition all parties involved derive sexual pleasure from the use of the item. Popular sex toys include; food, anal balls, oils, massage lotion, lingerie, vibrators, rope, leather, whips and handcuffs. Using a sex toy in the bedroom with a partner at first can produce anxiety. Often it is this anxiety that creates an atmosphere of excitement. You are about to embark upon something new and different. Creating anxiety is a fast cure for those of you experiencing boredom. When you are able to overcome your initial fear, and raise this topic with your partner, you will have joined your partner into a secret world. By allowing your partner to be with you when you feel nervous may make you feel more connected to this person. The two (or three) of you will have overcome your fears together. Other people, in this high anxiety situation will want to first spend some time getting to know this toy at first by themselves. This means, using the toy in private and experimenting with different forms of touch. After, you have gotten comfortable with this, then you may desire to share your excitement with your partner, or for others you never will. This is your own private world simply between you and the toy.

The vibrator

The vibrator is not just a sex toy for women. All gender can enjoy a toy which vibrates. Vibrators come in the form of anal balls, sleeves and cock rings. Vibrators are simply an additional sensation to add to the collection of sensations that any person can enjoy. Vibrators provide the user with more intense stimulation than oral or manual stimulation. Change of motion is important, thus what better way to add to the array of sensations than by using a vibrator. One fear that many people voice is what will happen if they like a sex toy. Will they still be able to orgasm without the use of a vibrator? The answer is yes. The first step is learning how to orgasm. Once you are able to achieve that, then it is simply a matter of re-training your body to be orgasmic with other forms of touch. In the meantime, an orgasm is an orgasm. Does it really matter what caused it as long as you enjoy the process? Using a vibrator does not detract from the other forms of touch. It can only add. A common myth is that a vibrator is just a substitute for the real thing. Vibrators are no better or worse than a penis. It is simply another toy which can add to your array of sexual pleasuring techniques. Different people have different preferences. Some people prefer oral sex, to anal sex, others prefer anal sex penal-vaginal sex, and others prefer vibrators. It is a matter of personal choice. Sex is like food. If you do not try it, how do you know whether or not you like it? Tastes change. If you eat the same food for too long it can get boring. Change in habits is important, and preferences are normal. There is no one right way, only your way.

While playing with a vibrator, do not forget about the atmosphere. For some this may mean dimming the lights, curling up under the covers, spreading out on top of the covers, playing fast or slow music, being alone, or having your partner in the room. It is important to recognize what kind of environment makes you feel sexy. This varies from person to person. Setting the atmosphere can affect your mood. Another way to change your mood is by reading a sexy book, watching a sexy film or having a partner talk sexy to you. Try altering your breathing patterns. Try breathing deep and heavy, or slow and long. Monitor how this effects your level of excitement. Try changing your position, stand up, sit down, get on your hands and knees, lie on your back and put the vibrator between your thighs and try running over different parts of your body. Change the pressure and speed of how you or your partner, touch you with it. People have different likes. Some people enjoy having the vibrator directly against the genitals, others do not. And for others it is a matter of mood. Incorporate other forms of touching. Again, experiment with your environment, get to know what you find exciting. You may be surprised to learn that even you may change your likes and dislikes on a day-to-day basis. There is no right or wrong ways, just variations. If you do not find yourself orgasming, do not be surprised. The point about sexual pleasure is feeling pleasure, not having an orgasm. Having an orgasm is only one type of pleasure, do not forget about all the other forms of pleasure that exist. One is not better than the other, just different. In fact, anything that is done over and over can get boring, thus all aspects should be considered important.

The classic vibrator is a penis-shaped battery powered shaft of plastic. It is one of the more inexpensive types of vibrators, which many people report is highly pleasurable. Unfortunately, many of them have a short battery life, which causes them to stop vibrating. For those who want a longer lasting product and are willing to spend more, there are others, which have replaceable batteries. If you are first experimenting with a vibrator a cheap, short living vibrator may be more than sufficient for you to experiment with. If you are determine that you enjoy this form of stimulation, you can always go back to the store (or mail order catalog) and purchase one.

Vibrators have a longer life. They each have replaceable batteries or get plugged into the wall. The wand has replaceable batteries. It is long and slender, often with a soft shaped ball at the head. Other people may describe it as club shaped. Good vibrations report that it is a good seller and that their customers seem content with their purchase. Usually these vibrators come with two speeds. This allows for a more precise type of stimulation, which will meet the users needs better. The coil look like hand held mixers, hairbrushes and blow-dryers. Many have attachable heads, which can accommodate a variety of soft plastic or latex heads. These vibrators tend to be the most expensive, but are well built and rarely dies.


Butt-plugs are a specific type of dildo. The center part of the shaft thickens and bulges out. Both the tip and bottom of the shaft are narrow. The function of this design (bulge in the middle) was geared to rub against the nerve clusters near the opening of the anus. The nerve clusters are the same ones that signal your body to defecate. Some people find this experience extremely pleasurable, while others are totally disgusted. Opinions/feelings/attitudes frequently vary not only at different points in a person's life, but among people it changes. Some men report finding butt-plugs specifically exciting because when he moves, the butt-plug rubs up against his prostate. This then sends to the brain a unique sensation. Another type of butt-plug is called the 'door nob' or 'pearlstring'. This is a rounded sphere, which is short, and used to fill the rectum. Recommendation After use wash with hot water and soap. Clean well.
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DILDO HARNESS (written by Alex Robboy LSW)
Who uses a dildo harness?
Heterosexual women
Heterosexual men
Lesbian women
Gay men

What is a dildo harness? A dildo harness is a harness for your dildo. Essentially, some straps are placed around your hips & butt to hold the dildo in place on your pubic bone so that you can penetrate your partner.

Dildo harnesses have the unique ability of creating a 'gender bender' experience. Some women report feeling powerful, when it is suddenly them that are wearing the penis. They are now the ones who are doing the penetration. They now are the proud owners of the most phallic symbol of male power, the penis! Other women may not feel powerful at all, they may simply feel silly. This too is normal. Wearing a penis may require an adjustment period. For men who strap on a dildo, it may be a relief to them because they no longer have to worry about being large enough, hard enough or lasting long enough. As a result, the importance of their penis has been diminished. For many men, this is a first, and opens up a whole new world to them of how to have good sex. Beyond creating the gender bender experience, strap on dildo's, when properly washed with HOT water and SOAP, are a safer sex technique. No actual penal-vaginal intercourse has occurred. All the penetrations have been done with a dildo! (However, to truly make this safe, the partners should not share the same dildo - without stopping to wash it first. Second, one should also always remember to wash the dildo if you want to go from anal to vaginal intercourse. Third, some people actually prefer using a condom on a dildo because they find that it decreases the chance of any infections).

When using a strap on dildo at first it may feel overwhelming. Where do you begin? How does it work? First, using a strap on dildo is much more complicated than it looks. You will need to give yourself a lot of time as you discover about this new part of your body. It will take some time to gain control over it. Imagine back in time when you first began kissing, or the first time you touched a partner's genitals. You were totally clueless. Getting skilled and comfortable with any new technique takes time. With a dildo some people report that at first it is harder, but than becomes much easier. It is harder because it is not a part of your natural body, thus you do not have the same amount of sensations. Thus, to keep the motion going you may want to try always leaving the tip of the dildo inside your partner. Therefore, you will not have to worry each time about 'finding' the 'entrance'. As a result, strap on dildo's tend to be slightly longer than regular dildo's. Furthermore, be prepared to ask your partner for a lot of feedback. How does it feel? Too hard? Too soft? Do you prefer long soft strokes or short fast strokes? However, the initial lack of sensations for many people turn out to be a blessing in disguise. It forces people to learn how to really listen to their partner's cues. Once you have learned how to read your partner's cues, you are well on your way to having good sex. These skills will transfer beyond the use of a strap on, to each time the two of you are sexual together, because now you are instinctively much better at reading your partner's signs.


HTHGS: Showerhead (written by Alex Robboy, LCSW, CAS)

Ask Alex, 
Thank you for your very instructive web site. For many years I have been trying - discreetly - to find a showerhead that produces a strong single jet of water for the purpose of self-pleasuring in the bath. I discovered this as a child, when I used to open my legs under the tap while the bath was filling with water. Many years later in adulthood I rediscovered this pleasure, and now regularly use the tap as a way of achieving orgasm. I simply put my finger under the tap to produce a strong jet of water, but I'm wondering if there is a shower head that someone knows about that produces the same effect.. I'm reluctant to ask this question in bathroom shops! Aquagirl

 Dear Aquagirl, I am glad to hear that you have discovered the wonders of using water as an aid to self-pleasuring. While I have not heard of a showerhead specifically designed for self-pleasuring. Most hardware stores, such as Home Depot sell hand held showerheads that could work. All high-end hand held showerheads have the function of a) producing a strong jet of water b) your ability to move the entire showerhead to fit your needs.


HTHGS:  What I use to masturbate (written by the subscriber, Debbyc)

Letter to the editor,
In reply to the below email from subscriber Aquagirl  I wish to share what I used as a child to masturbate.  Aquagirl had written that she masturbated with water from the faucet as a child, well I too masturbated with water. My parents had this water hose and I used the end of the hose  using my thumb over the end of the water hose to make the jet spray force stronger and I would place this over my clit and lay back with fantasies till I would climax.  I began this practice as a small child of 4 where my mother would scold me for placing the hose between my legs to long.  She would watch me during my bath due to fear of drowning since I was a small child.  I learned to wait till she left the room to play.  After I was allowed to bath alone my baths become longer and longer and fantasies started with "scoldings"  "spankings" and then later in my life I would fantasize about "doctor shots".   Finally I learned about  kissing and caressing and the fantasies were more centered on boys.  From the water hose which was finally discarded I  then graduated to an electric tooth brush, *the base not the tip* LOL and masturbated late at night after all the family went to bed.  I enjoyed this up till I was 18yrs old.  I traded back and forth with the bath hose or electric tooth brush as the parents, with my urging, bought new water hoses till I left home.  There are all kind of toys one can use and to this day I'm still creative at 46yrs old and enjoy a healthy sex life with a wonderful man who ENJOYS watching my creative mind at work. :o)   ~ debbyc


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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS

Ms. Robboy is the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of The Center for Growth Inc and How To Have Good Sex Inc.  Alex practices marriage and family therapy and sex therapy, and also conducts periodic seminars about human sexuality throughout the northeastern United States.

Ms. Robboy graduated from the University of Pennsylvania where she earned a Masters degree in Social Work, a Certificate of Advanced Studies in Human Sexuality Education and a Post-Masters Certificate in Marriage Counseling & Sex Therapy. Through the American Board of Sexology, she is a board certified sexologist and through the American Association of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists a certified sex therapist.  Additionally, she is a licensed clinical social worker and a member of the American Board of Marriage and Family Therapy.


  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 

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