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  Fingering

HTHGS: Fingering (written by Ron Feintech, Ph.D)

Ask Ron,
My boyfriend have been together for a far while now, and we haven't had sex yet, but he is fingering me at the moment. But the problem is that it hurts sometimes and i cant seem to have an orgasm from it. Confused.

Dear Confused,
The feeling tone of your question suggests that the feeling tone of your sexual encounters is neither intimate, nor connected, nor  passionate and loving.  Could the problem be that he is "fingering you" rather than making love with you?

The discomfort could be about a lack of emotional connection and insufficient foreplay.   Are you ready for penetration when he inserts his finger? Is he pleasuring you genitally in ways that are pleasing and exciting to you, or in a way that's pleasing and exciting for him? What about kissing, caressing, and feeling close?

You could have a physical to see if there is any physical reason for the pain, but from the little that you have told me, the above problems sound more likely.  Nonetheless you might want to rule out a hymen that is blocking things, or a vaginal infection or some other physical problem. 

Some KY personal lubricant or ASTROGLIDE could help, but if you are aroused, there should be enough natural wetness.  As a general rule, you don't want to invite his finger or his penis into your body until your vulva are screaming for him and you feel ready for penetration. Good luck, Sincerely,

Ron Feintech, Ph.D.
Certified Sex Therapist, AASECT

 

 

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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS

Ms. Robboy is the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of The Center for Growth Inc and How To Have Good Sex Inc.  Alex practices marriage and family therapy and sex therapy, and also conducts periodic seminars about human sexuality throughout the northeastern United States.

Ms. Robboy graduated from the University of Pennsylvania where she earned a Masters degree in Social Work, a Certificate of Advanced Studies in Human Sexuality Education and a Post-Masters Certificate in Marriage Counseling & Sex Therapy. Through the American Board of Sexology, she is a board certified sexologist and through the American Association of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists a certified sex therapist.  Additionally, she is a licensed clinical social worker and a member of the American Board of Marriage and Family Therapy.

 

  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to alex@howtohavegoodsex.com and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 
                                                                                    

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