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Past Tips



  • Is my hymen still intact? (written by Yvonne Fulbright MS.Ed.)
  • HTHGS: Hymen Questions (written by Yvonne K. Fulbright MS.Ed.
  • Sex for the first time (written by Yvonne K. Fulbright MS.Ed.)
  • Virginity (written by other sexperts)


HTHGS:  Is my hymen still intact? (written by Yvonne Fulbright MS.Ed.)

Ask Yvonne,
Hello! Just call me shy girl. I am 20yrs old but I never had a boyfriend. Obviously, I am still a virgin, but I finger myself. Before, I used to do it a week each month or when I feel aroused and I can insert 1/3 or my finger (I use only one finger. And I am a petite lady so my finger is thin.) My question is, do I lose my virginity in that case? I had this minor accident when I was young. I fell from the seat of the bicycle with my legs in between the steel. Is my hymen still intact? Thanks. Shy girl

Dear Shy Girl,
You seem to have answered your own question.  You describe yourself as a “virgin,” most likely based on the sexual activities you’ve engaged in, regardless of an intact hymen.  If there’s one thing I’ve learned as a sex educator, it’s that people have varying definitions of what it means to be a virgin, namely based on what they’ve been taught, their sexual orientation, and certain sexual behaviors. 

  In fingering yourself, or any number of other things (e.g., inserting a tampon, horse back riding, etc…), you may have broken your hymen.  You may even be one of a handful of females who are born without a hymen.  Whether or not a hymen is present is no indication as to whether or not a female is a virgin, so don’t lose sleep over it!  Yvonne K. Fulbright, MS.Ed.

HTHGS: Hymen Questions (written by Yvonne K. Fulbright MS.Ed.

Ask Yvonne, 
The hymen is a thin membrane that stretches across the vaginal opening.  It is porous so that menstrual blood can flow out of the body.  Females are born with various sizes and openings of the hymen.  Some may even have no hymen at all.  Others may stretch or break theirs during certain kinds of exercise, like horseback riding, or during tampon use.  Thus, it is difficult to determine whether or not you have a hymen.  For women who do have hymens, first intercourse experiences can vary.  Some women experience mild discomfort when having their hymen broken or stretched, while others experience pain.

With regard to shyness about your body, know that you are not alone.  Many teenagers are anxious, embarrassed, or frustrated about their body types and development.  People come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, and everybody at some point needs to learn to appreciate who they are and how they’ve developed.  Celebrate your beauty and uniqueness by taking the time to pamper yourself, e.g., a footbath.  Treat yourself like a queen because you deserve the royal treatment.  Furthermore, get to know your body.  Take the time to look at yourself in the mirror and to tell yourself – out loud – what you like about yourself.  Once you’ve identified your favorite body parts, learn to accentuate them.  You might do this with clothing, jewelry, or other accessories.  Furthermore, learn little tricks of the trade with parts you’re not thrilled with.  Some women who are unhappy with their breast size, for instance, choose to wear bras or tops designed to make breasts appear fuller, or concentrate on accentuating the parts of their bodies that they consider their best features.

            When it comes to men, use the resources available to you in knowing how to work them – your buddies!  Ask them what they like about women, how to flirt with them, and things of that nature.  You’ll be amazed at what you find out.  Furthermore, you’ll probably learn that guys go for women of all types.  Some prefer women with smaller chests, while some prefer women with large.  We all have our own preferences when it comes to what we’re attracted to.  So instead of worrying about being attractive, be attractive.  You can do this by not only being yourself, but by being approachable, inquisitive in wanting to get to know other people, and by conveying self-confidence.  If they aren’t already, people will be completely drawn to you.

HTHGS: Sex for the first time (written by Yvonne K. Fulbright MS.Ed.) 

Ask Yvonne, 
I am a 21 year old male, and just recently I had sex for the first time with a girl around my own age, that I am very attracted to, and is very experienced. The problem I am having is staying aroused long enough to orgasm. We have only had sex on twice so far, but even the second time while I was on top of her I felt myself go limp and I just couldn't do anything about it. My initial assumption is that I was 'trying too hard' and wasn't able to enjoy myself because I was struggling to arouse myself while at the same time please her. After reading a great deal of information including some things you have written in the past, one thing struck me close to home. In an earlier response you mentioned to a couple that a particular reason why a specific woman may not be reaching orgasm is that "She’s more in her head than in the moment". That is exactly how I would describe my sexual experiences with my girl. I find myself almost working to try and please her and myself, I spend a good deal of time wondering what I should be doing at the moment and what I should be doing next. We are both very open with each other and there is nothing I feel I couldn't ask her, but what I know she likes is for the guy to take control, which I would also enjoy if I knew what the heck to do. Do you believe that given what I have said, I am just lacking enough experience to enjoy sex with someone that is experienced? Do you think I could have some sort of psychological barriers in my way? I understand that this may be a lot to ask with so little to go on, but I am really enjoying my sexual relationship with this girl and I want to learn to please both of us better. Also, one thing I have thought of as a possibility is that, as I have obviously had to masturbate quite a bit over the years to keep from going insane, could I be falling victim to the fact that I have always masturbated in generally the same position and in the same way for so long that now I am finding it difficult to work with a partner? I appreciate any advice you may have, whether or not it is an instantaneous fix. Thank you.

Dear Hoping for a quick fix, 
Erectile dysfunction, or impotence, is a male’s failure to achieve an erection.  It’s a condition that an increasing number of men are dealing with.  Among the reasons for erectile dysfunction are:
  1. A neurological disorder  
  2. Problems with blood flow to the genitals  
  3. Peyronie’s disease – a fibrous scarring which develops from an inflammatory process.  (During an erection, the penis bends and this can be quite painful.)
  4. A hormonal deficiency – the body’s failure to produce androgen
  5. Infection
  6. Diabetes
  7. Heart disease  
  8. Spinal cord injury  
  9. Alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs 
  10. Antidepressants

  Likelier causes, however, for erectile dysfunction are psychological ones.  Mental or emotional problems, the most common of which is performance anxiety, (fear of failure during sex), can conflict with a man’s ability to achieve erection.  Sexually demanding situations that cause a man to become anxious and nervous also result in erection failure and perpetuate further anxiety.           

Performance anxiety is when you put pressure on yourself to be a “good” lover and in doing so, you become preoccupied with your every move.  You take on the role of a spectator – watching yourself perform – instead of enjoying the intimacy you’re sharing with your partner. 

Performance anxiety can be dealt with by talking to your partner, asking your lover questions about what he/she enjoys, and simply becoming more familiar and comfortable with your lover.  You should also strive to see sex as a healthy, normal, and positive part of life if you already don’t.  Furthermore, before you get funky under the sheets, try to relax – breathe.  It is important that you make strides to deal with performance anxiety since it can lead to other sexual problems, like premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, and a lack of orgasm.




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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS

Ms. Robboy is the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of The Center for Growth Inc and How To Have Good Sex Inc.  Alex practices marriage and family therapy and sex therapy, and also conducts periodic seminars about human sexuality throughout the northeastern United States.

Ms. Robboy graduated from the University of Pennsylvania where she earned a Masters degree in Social Work, a Certificate of Advanced Studies in Human Sexuality Education and a Post-Masters Certificate in Marriage Counseling & Sex Therapy. Through the American Board of Sexology, she is a board certified sexologist and through the American Association of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists a certified sex therapist.  Additionally, she is a licensed clinical social worker and a member of the American Board of Marriage and Family Therapy.


  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 

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