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Past Tips |
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Virginity
- Is
my hymen still intact? (written by Yvonne Fulbright MS.Ed.)
- HTHGS:
Hymen Questions (written by Yvonne K. Fulbright MS.Ed.
- Sex
for the first time (written by Yvonne K. Fulbright MS.Ed.)
- Virginity
(written
by other sexperts)
HTHGS:
Is my hymen still intact? (written by Yvonne Fulbright MS.Ed.)
Ask
Yvonne,
Hello! Just call me shy girl. I am 20yrs old but I never had a boyfriend.
Obviously, I am still a virgin, but I finger myself. Before, I used to do it a
week each month or when I feel aroused and I can insert 1/3 or my finger (I use
only one finger. And I am a petite lady so my finger is thin.) My question is,
do I lose my virginity in that case? I had this minor accident when I was young.
I fell from the seat of the bicycle with my legs in between the steel. Is my
hymen still intact? Thanks. Shy girl
Dear
Shy Girl,
You seem to have answered your own question.
You describe yourself as a “virgin,” most likely based on the sexual
activities you’ve engaged in, regardless of an intact hymen.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned as a sex educator, it’s that
people have varying definitions of what it means to be a virgin, namely based on
what they’ve been taught, their sexual orientation, and certain sexual
behaviors.
In fingering yourself, or any number of other things (e.g., inserting a
tampon, horse back riding, etc…), you may have broken your hymen.
You may even be one of a handful of females who are born without a hymen.
Whether or not a hymen is present is no indication as to whether or not a
female is a virgin, so don’t lose sleep over it!
Yvonne
K. Fulbright, MS.Ed.
HTHGS:
Hymen Questions (written by Yvonne K. Fulbright MS.Ed.
Ask
Yvonne,
The hymen is a thin membrane that stretches across the vaginal opening.
It is porous so that menstrual blood can flow out of the body.
Females are born with various sizes and openings of the hymen.
Some may even have no hymen at all.
Others may stretch or break theirs during certain kinds of exercise, like horseback riding, or during tampon use.
Thus, it is difficult to determine whether or not you have a hymen.
For women who do have hymens, first intercourse experiences can vary.
Some women experience mild discomfort when having their hymen broken or stretched, while others experience pain.
With regard to shyness about your
body, know that you are not alone. Many
teenagers are anxious, embarrassed, or frustrated about their body types and
development. People come in all
shapes, sizes, and colors, and everybody at some point needs to learn to
appreciate who they are and how they’ve developed.
Celebrate your beauty and uniqueness by taking the time to pamper
yourself, e.g., a footbath. Treat
yourself like a queen because you deserve the royal treatment.
Furthermore, get to know your body.
Take the time to look at yourself in the mirror and to tell yourself –
out loud – what you like about yourself.
Once you’ve identified your favorite body parts, learn to accentuate
them. You might do this with
clothing, jewelry, or other accessories. Furthermore,
learn little tricks of the trade with parts you’re not thrilled with.
Some women who are unhappy with their breast size, for instance, choose
to wear bras or tops designed to make breasts appear fuller, or concentrate on
accentuating the parts of their bodies that they consider their best features.
When it comes to men, use the resources available to you in knowing how
to work them – your buddies! Ask
them what they like about women, how to flirt with them, and things of that
nature. You’ll be amazed at what
you find out. Furthermore, you’ll
probably learn that guys go for women of all types.
Some prefer women with smaller chests, while some prefer women with
large. We all have our own
preferences when it comes to what we’re attracted to.
So instead of worrying about being attractive, be attractive. You
can do this by not only being yourself, but by being approachable, inquisitive
in wanting to get to know other people, and by conveying self-confidence.
If they aren’t already, people will be completely drawn to you.
HTHGS: Sex for the first time (written by
Yvonne K. Fulbright MS.Ed.)
Ask Yvonne,
I am a 21 year old male, and just recently I had sex for the first time with a
girl around my own age, that I am very attracted to, and is very experienced.
The problem I am having is staying aroused long enough to orgasm. We have only
had sex on twice so far, but even the second time while I was on top of her I
felt myself go limp and I just couldn't do anything about it. My initial
assumption is that I was 'trying too
hard' and wasn't able to enjoy myself because I was struggling to arouse myself
while at the same time please her. After reading a great deal of information
including some things you have written in the past, one thing struck me close to
home. In an earlier
response you mentioned to a couple that a particular reason why a specific
woman may not be reaching orgasm is that "She’s more in her head than in
the moment".
That is exactly how I would describe my sexual experiences with my girl. I find
myself almost working to try and please her and myself, I spend a good deal of
time wondering what I should be doing at the moment and what I should be doing
next. We are both very open with each other and there is nothing I feel I
couldn't ask her, but what I know she likes is for the guy to take control,
which I would also enjoy if I knew what
the heck to do. Do you believe that given what I have said, I am just lacking
enough experience to enjoy sex with someone that is experienced? Do you think I
could
have some sort of psychological barriers in my way? I understand that this may
be a lot to ask with so little to go on, but I am really enjoying my sexual
relationship with this girl and I want to learn to please both of us better.
Also, one thing I have thought of as a possibility is that, as I have obviously
had to masturbate quite a bit over the years
to keep from going insane, could I be falling victim to the fact that I have
always masturbated in generally the same position and in the same way for so
long that now I am finding it difficult to work with a partner? I appreciate any
advice you may have, whether
or not it is an instantaneous fix. Thank you.
Dear Hoping for a quick fix,
Erectile dysfunction, or impotence,
is a male’s failure to achieve an erection.
It’s a condition that an increasing number of men are dealing with.
Among the reasons for erectile dysfunction are:
- A
neurological disorder
- Problems
with blood flow to the genitals
-
Peyronie’s disease – a fibrous scarring which develops from an
inflammatory process. (During
an erection, the penis bends and this can be quite painful.)
- A
hormonal deficiency – the body’s failure to produce androgen
- Infection
- Diabetes
- Heart
disease
-
Spinal
cord injury
-
Alcohol,
cigarettes, or drugs
- Antidepressants
Likelier causes, however, for erectile dysfunction are psychological ones.
Mental or emotional problems, the most common of which is performance
anxiety, (fear of failure during sex), can conflict with a man’s ability to
achieve erection. Sexually demanding situations that cause a man to become
anxious and nervous also result in erection failure and perpetuate further
anxiety.
Performance
anxiety is
when you put pressure on yourself to be a “good” lover and in doing so, you
become preoccupied with your every move. You
take on the role of a spectator – watching yourself perform – instead of
enjoying the intimacy you’re sharing with your partner.
Performance
anxiety can be dealt with by talking to your partner, asking your lover
questions about what he/she enjoys, and simply becoming more familiar and
comfortable with your lover. You
should also strive to see sex as a healthy, normal, and positive part of life if
you already don’t. Furthermore,
before you get funky under the sheets, try to relax – breathe.
It is important that you make strides to deal with performance anxiety
since it can lead to other sexual problems, like premature ejaculation, erectile
dysfunction, and a lack of orgasm.
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