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Getting Naked in Front of a Lover   

  • Getting Naked in Front of a Lover   (written by Alex Robboy
  • Comfort (written by Dr. Pluhar)
  • Ask a sexpert

HTHGS: Getting Naked in Front of a Lover

Some people find getting naked in front of a lover difficult because they feel self-conscious. It is hard to be comfortable naked in front of another person when you feel embarrassed about your body. Many people wonder if their breasts are too small, their testes ('balls') are too lopsided, their vulva is too hairy, their penis is too small, or simply if they have too much cellulite. These thoughts are normal. Many people have them. Unfortunately, these thoughts often detract from the actual experience of being intimate with another person. Instead of just being able to enjoy being physically close with a partner, a person may expend energy worrying about if their partner will notice their 'problem' areas, or if the partner will find her/him sexually attractive. To decrease the worry, try getting naked in the dark. This way, the two of you will be able to feel each other without the added pressure of eye sight. Now within the safety of the dark, explore your partner's body. Feel all the curves. Let no inch go untouched. Use your hands to study the changes in texture throughout your partner's body.

After you have practiced exploring your lover's body in the dark, and you feel like an expert, you are ready to begin stage two. Stage two, involves getting naked and being in the light. Intimacy involves many aspects, one of which includes feeling comfortable in front of a partner. Ironically, many people who engage in intercourse feel self-conscious when their partner 'looks' at their genitalia. Others report that they like being sexual as long as their partner does not view them as sexualized beings. Therefore, when they are in the dark, they feel protected. The dark gives them the illusion that no one can see them. This illusion acts to reduce their anxiety around body image issues.

Part of sexual pleasure comes from an acceptance of self. Allowing yourself to feel vulnerable in front of an intimate partner heightens the experience of connectedness. As said before, many people who dislike the light harbor a fear that if the other person could really see them, they might not be attracted. Yet, for the most part, this fear is irrational. Your partner, unlike you, already likes your body as a whole, or they would not want to be sexually intimate with you. Thus, part of good sex, requires developing a comfort with your own body in front of others. For those of you who feel uncomfortable being naked in front of others in the light, try the following exercise:

WARNING:

People who feel ULTRA comfortable being in the naked in the light will learn something from this exercise, so proceed with caution.

Tools: Flashlight & a dark room

Procedure: Using a small flashlight, preferably the size of a pen, quickly turn it on pointing at some portion of your partner's body. With the focus of the light, examine that part of her/his body. Turn of the light, and take a moment to feel that body part in the dark. What are the differences you notice about it when you loose your sight as a sense? What do you notice when you are able to 'see' it. Repeat this exercise until you have examined all parts of your partner's body, inch by inch. The advantage to this exercise is that throughout it, you still have the privacy of being in the dark, yet the benefits of the lights. After spending several hours exploring each other's body this way, you could vary the assignment by using the flashlight to play doctor. In this version, the flashlight is used for the examination of her/his body parts. This is important because the doctor needs some way to make sure nothing is 'seriously wrong'. Lastly, the doctor's examination tools include hands, mouth and sex toys.

Tips written by Alex Robboy, LSW

 

 

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If you have enjoyed this/these tips you can . . . . 
 

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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS

Ms. Robboy is the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of The Center for Growth Inc and How To Have Good Sex Inc.  Alex practices marriage and family therapy and sex therapy, and also conducts periodic seminars about human sexuality throughout the northeastern United States.

Ms. Robboy graduated from the University of Pennsylvania where she earned a Masters degree in Social Work, a Certificate of Advanced Studies in Human Sexuality Education and a Post-Masters Certificate in Marriage Counseling & Sex Therapy. Through the American Board of Sexology, she is a board certified sexologist and through the American Association of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists a certified sex therapist.  Additionally, she is a licensed clinical social worker and a member of the American Board of Marriage and Family Therapy.

 

  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to alex@howtohavegoodsex.com and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 
                                                                                    

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September 19, 2006