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Anal Sex
HTHGS: Can't cum & anal Sex
Ask Erika,
Hi there!! My name is Steve and I'm
a 24 year old white male who's got a question for you. I'm seeing
this black girl right now and we've had sex a number of times.
Some times we go for 3,4 or more hours having great hot
sex......but, there are times I can be with in the 2nd or 3rd hour, hard as a rock
and having a good rhythm going and I can be fucking her as hard as I can (she likes it that
way) and I just don't feel the feeling or need
to cum. What's the matter with me? It discourages her a little bit
because she wants me to cum 3 or 4 times. It's like there are days I
can cum for her 3 or 4 times and like a switch the next day, I end
up cumming once. I need help. Also can you give me some techniques on
how I can make HER cum for me
while I'm fucking her??
Also the girl I'm seeing wants me
to have anal sex with her. What kind of lubrication should I use
for her?? What are some techniques can use/try for when I first enter
her ass?? Is it alright for me to put all of my penis into her ass
(My cock is 7 inches)? your fan, Steve
Dear Steve,
Thanks for writing in with your
questions. To begin with, it is NORMAL after ejaculating a number
of times for it to take longer or perhaps not happen at all. It's
important to know that there is nothing wrong with you if you can't
cum 3 or 4 times in a row. Most men have what is called a
"refractory period," which is the time after orgasm / ejaculation during
which arousal and erection are difficult or even impossible. The
more you orgasm / ejaculate, the longer it can take to become
aroused again. So, be reassured that what you are experiencing is a
normal part of male physiology. You may also want to explore with your
partner (through honest communication) why it is important
to her for you to cum 3 or 4 times. It may be that this puts
pressure on you, which, psychologically, can also diminish
arousal. But just keep in mind that physiologically what you are
experiencing is normal.
As far as techniques to pleasure
her, the best way to find out what she likes is to ask her. You may
want to ask for specific directions during sex or discuss it before or
after and then try some new things. Most women need some sort
of clitoral stimulation to orgasm during intercourse and may not be
able to orgasm from penile thrusting alone. Some ways to
stimulate the clitoris include: the women-on-top position in which the
clitoris rubs against your pelvic bone, the side-to-side position, or
have you or her manually stimulate her clitoris (with your
hand or a vibrator) during intercourse.
Regarding your question about anal
sex, if you and she have never experimented with anal stimulation
(including intercourse) before, there are a few steps I recommend
that you take before having intercourse. First, it is a good
idea to try inserting an object (i.e., finger) into her anus first
before trying your penis. The reason for this is that the anus
consists of a very tight muscle, called the sphincter muscle. It can
relax enough to accommodate a penis but gaining control over this
muscle takes practice. Open communication is very very
important during anal play. It is critical that you and she communicate about
how far to go and how it feels. Have her give you feedback and let
her control how far, how much etc. The best advice is to take it
slow and talk about it.
It is best to use a thick,
water-based lubricant for anal play such as KY Jelly. Do not use oil-based
lubricants such as Vaseline because they can clog pores. Most
importantly, oil-based lubricants cause the latex in condoms to deteriorate and
break. Speaking of condoms, you need to know that anal sex is one
of the riskiest activities you can do in terms of contracting an
infection, particularly HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. The lining of the
anus is made up of thin, fragile tissue that can tear easily, which
creates a direct opening into the blood system through which the
virus can pass. Thus, it is critical that you wear a condom if you are
at ANY risk for infections, including HIV. For more excellent
information about healthy anal sexual activity, check out the book
Anal Pleasure and Health by Jack Morin, Ph.D. (Yes Press, 1986). Take care and enjoy,
Erika
This tip was originally written by
Erika Pluhar, Ph.D.
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