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HTHGS:
Sex & Back Pain
Ask
Alex,
Last year my husband ruptured a disk in his back. He has recovered somewhat and
is now listed with a permanent disability. His disability is small and
he can do most things but with pain. Our sex life is actually pretty good.
But
I have a few questions.
1. My husband has never been very open about sex and when I try to bring
it up or ask questions on what he likes or would like, I always get "I
don't know". How do I get him to open up about it?
2. With his back being bad he has a really hard time being on top, what types of
positions can we do? He is not hung like a horse (to put it bluntly) and
we are both out of shape. I am getting a little bored being on top.
3. I have a hard time climaxing during intercourse without direct clitoral
stimulation. What can I do to help get this stimulation or help with getting to
climax?
I also wanted to say keep up the GREAT job. This site has been a lot of help and
I look forward to getting the newsletters.
Jo
Dear
Jo,
My first suggestion for the two of you is to get into shape. Simply put, sex
requires physical energy. Furthermore,
strong back and stomach muscles strengthen ones bodies natural ability to
heal/maintain herniated discs. In
your husband’s situation it is especially important. This is not to say that getting in shape cause the two of you
to automatically have great sex, but it can’t hurt. Second, good communication skills are key.
Start by talking to each other about what works well. Specifically each
of you should answer the following three questions.
A) The best sex that we ever had was when . . . B) I was most turned on
by you when . . . C) I like it when
you . . . . . D) The one thing that I have never done, but would like to try is
. . . . Then, in bed, get creative.
Good sex does not require a healthy back. A good sex life requires a
little bit of creativity to find ways to seduce your partner both with the idea
that the physical stimulation that they are about to receive is the best ever
and that they are emotionally wanted and visually sexy.
For example, oral sex, depending upon the type of herniation can be given
while laying down, sitting down, sideways, upside down, or any which way.
In
regards to what positions are best for intercourse, it all depends a lot upon
what type of back injury your husband has.
Some people with back injuries can’t lay down and others can’t sit.
Thus for some the best position is to be on top, on bottom or even on the
side. The particulars depends upon
your partners condition, which you did not specify.
Thus,
I highly recommend ordering the book and/or the video called “Sex and Back
Pain” by Lauren Herbert. Lauren Herbert’s book goes into great detail
discussing which positions are best suited for each particular type of back
problem.
The
best part of the book / video, besides the graphic information, is the
presentation style. Watching or
reading a “how to” video/book is a great tool for facilitating
conversations. Talking about the
book / video ideas is a great way to create enough distance from such a loaded
topic so that it becomes safe to say what your likes and dislikes are without
directly referencing your partner. Furthermore,
it may give the two of you some ideas of what will likely work.
Lastly
in terms of needing direct stimulation for your orgasm, I suggest that you tell
him this and give him several ideas as to how you would like to be touched. In
addition, you could incorporate masturbation into your sexual play with your
partner. This way you will not only be able to pleasure yourself exactly the way
you like it, but you will also be teaching your partner about how you like to be
touched, and best yet he can join you in your masturbation and cause you to feel
even more sensations that what you could do for yourself alone!
The
book is distributed by
The Saunders Group.
H. Duane Saunders, MS, PT
4250 Norex Drive
Chaska, MN 55318-3047
612-368-9214
800-654-8357
(this
book is given out free to patients at The Mass General Hospital and the hospital
at the University of Pennsylvania. I imagine that you can find it at most of the
other major hospitals in the US for free too).
In addition, Lauren Herbert produced a video called “Sex and Back Pain”
To order this video, write to
Impacc USA
One Washington Street
Greenville, ME 04441
207-695-3354
This tip was originally written by Alex Robboy,
LSW
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