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Virginity
How To Have Good Sex, Inc.
HTHGS: Virginity ( written by Calee Spinney)
Ask Calee, I'm a 27 year old virgin girl. My wedding
is after a couple of months. I need your help. I come from a very
conservative country where virginity is essential and regarded as a sign of
morality. I need to know how would a man know if his wife is a virgin or
not? Will he feel the hymen break? Is bleeding a proof of virginity What
if I don't bleed? I am so worried please advise.
Thank you :)
Dear Virgin girl,
There are very few concrete ways for a man to tell whether a
woman is a virgin or not. The idea
that all girls are born with a fully intact hymen covering the vaginal opening
is actually a myth. Most girls are
actually only born with a partial hymen, or none at all, so the bleeding
associated with first sex that is attributed to the ‘breaking of the hymen,’
is an unreliable measure of whether a woman is a virgin or not. Generally, if a girl lives any kind of active lifestyle, she will break
her hymen long before she has sex for the first time. This can happen any number of ways – by doing a cartwheel, riding
horses, bicycling, etc. Even if the
hymen was still present, it is unlikely that he would feel it break, because it
is only a very thin membrane.
Bleeding isn’t a good indicator of virginity either.
While there is no real way to tell whether one is a virgin,
one way one can usually tell that their partner is a virgin is a general lack of
experience. With women, there also
usually is some level of discomfort the first time, which can also be seen as a
sign. It is important to remember
that sex is a lifelong learning experience, and the first time can be scary and
intimidating as well as exciting and wonderful. You need to be aware that there is a lot about sex to learn,
and not worry about learning it all at once. I am more concerned about the root cause for your question.
Is there a reason why your partner wouldn’t believe that you were
telling the truth about being a virgin? Have
you been able to speak about this, or are you worried that if you don’t bleed
that he’ll assume you aren’t a virgin? If you are comfortable with the idea, you can educate him about the
female body by telling him that not all women bleed. It seems like the basic issue here is one of trust – if the two of you
are taking this serious step into marriage, ideally he should not be looking for
solid physiological evidence of your virginity. You deserve to be believed when you share your sexual history, just like
you believe him. I think that it would be a good idea to talk to your partner
about his expectations about this. Share
this information with him, and let him do some research of his own if he likes.
If you anticipate this being a major issue, then perhaps it would be a
good idea to try to sort it out before the wedding night. That way, you are both on the same page going into things, and neither of
you has serious worries to detract from the beauty of your wedding day.
Try to not worry too much about whether you will
bleed or not, because this is something that you have no control over. Worrying will only detract from your experience of sex with your new
husband, and that’s not something you want. Sex really is a wonderful, joyous sharing experience, and you want to be
able to enjoy it to the fullest. The
best way you can connect to your husband is to love him and show this love to
him – this way, he won’t doubt your virginity, whether you bleed or not.
Remember, it is a myth that bleeding during intercourse is a sign of
virginity, and it is an unreliable indicator of virginity. This can be confirmed by any reputable doctor in your
area. I hope that this information helps you, and I wish you happiness in your
future marriage.
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