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Past Tips

 

How to last longer              

  • Unable to "Cum" (written by Chris Fariello)

  • How to last longer (written by Alex Robboy, LSW)

 

HTHGS: Unable to "Cum"
Dear Chris

   Ok, no one i have asked has been able to answer this ? so i hope you can cause this is really bothering me well anyways my problem is that when i have sex or oral sex i cant eject sperm so i need to know what is wrong with me please help i really need it. Oh and when i masturbate i can eject cum it's just when i have regular and oral sex.   Thanks, David
  
   Hi David,
   I'm assuming when you state you can not cum through "sex and oral sex" you mean that you cannot have an orgasm at all through vaginal intercourse or oral sex. I would be curious to know if you can have an orgasm at any time when you are with a partner?
  
   The inability to have an orgasm with a partner in this way is
   typically caused by psychological distress which inhibits the person from being comfortable enough to allow the body to function in a more natural fashion. This can be caused by a variety of factors and is fixable.
  
   My suggestion would be to begin by talking with a partner about your concern. Then plan a series of sex dates together in the following order:   1) Just massage- each of you take turns massaging the others body letting each other know what feels good and not so good (no genital contact) 2) Massage w/ genitals- same as above but include the genitals. Focus should not be on any one part of the body (neither partner should have an orgasm) 3) Oral sex without orgasm  4) Intercourse without orgasm. Then start again and allow your self and your partners to experience orgasm at any point that feels comfortable but that there should be no obligations that either has to have and orgasm.
 
These techniques are explained to some degree in Helen Singer
  Kaplan's book on sexual dysfunctions. It may be helpful to seek out a sex therapist in your area. The American Association of Sex
Educators, Counselors and Therapists are proud to present an online referral network to locate a certified sex educator, counselor, and therapist in your local area. To locate a therapist go to

 these tips were originally written by Chris Fariello , MA, MFT

  

* Do you want to try an herbal remedy? Just make sure you tell us if it worked- we have only heard of the product - but have no idea if it is effective
Natural Viagra Alternative

 

 

 

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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS

Ms. Robboy is the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of The Center for Growth Inc and How To Have Good Sex Inc.  Alex practices marriage and family therapy and sex therapy, and also conducts periodic seminars about human sexuality throughout the northeastern United States.

Ms. Robboy graduated from the University of Pennsylvania where she earned a Masters degree in Social Work, a Certificate of Advanced Studies in Human Sexuality Education and a Post-Masters Certificate in Marriage Counseling & Sex Therapy. Through the American Board of Sexology, she is a board certified sexologist and through the American Association of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists a certified sex therapist.  Additionally, she is a licensed clinical social worker and a member of the American Board of Marriage and Family Therapy.

 

  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to alex@howtohavegoodsex.com and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 
                                                                                    

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September 19, 2006