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Past Tips



  • My girlfriend does not know if she is having an orgasm!  (Written by Yvonne Fulbright, MS.Ed.)
  • Climaxing in the missionary position (written by Yvonne Fulbright, MS.Ed.)
  • Orgasm (written by other sexperts)
  • Orgasms, ejaculation and much much more (written by other sexperts)

HTHGS:  My girlfriend does not know if she is having an orgasm!  (Written by Yvonne Fulbright, MS.Ed.)

Ask Yvonne,
I have recently begun to have sexual relations with my new girlfriend. Although I am experienced from a previous relationship, she had almost no sexual experience before me.  Our problem is that when I used my hand or mouth she is not always sure she has orgasm. She is shy and inexperienced. I am lost on advice; I have encouraged her to masturbate hoping that it would increase her ability to know. Any other suggestions or ideas and how is going to know for sure.  I really like her and I just want her to be able to enjoy it as much as I am. Please help -SG

Dear SG,
You’re right in your suggestion to encourage her to masturbate and explore her own body and response.  Many women don’t perceive their bodies’ signs of sexual climax as being an actual orgasm.  They have different expectations regarding orgasm, and therefore, can’t identify one when one occurs.

  There are perhaps some simple reasons why your girlfriend may not be having an orgasm, and then there are some pretty complicated ones.  Among the ones that are going to prevent a quick fix are:

·         Negative messages about sex while growing up
·         She’s given into the pressure of engaging in sexual behaviors before she’s ready
·         She’s repressing her sexual responses
·         Concerns of you being too focused on her

 Other factors may just be affecting her at the present time, like:  

  • Fatigue
  • Stress
  • She’s more in her head than in the moment
  • She may need more clitoral or G-spot stimulation

In helping her realizing her orgasmic potential, suggest that the two of you (or just she) look at erotic films or read erotic literature together.  Share sexual fantasies.  And probably your best bet: buy her a vibrator and let her explore on her own, or show her how it’s done!  Yvonne K. Fulbright, MS.Ed.


HTHGS: Climaxing in the missionary position (written by Yvonne Fulbright, MS.Ed.) 

Ask Yvonne,
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years and have a sexual relationship.  He and I are intimate together whenever we are together (which isn't a whole lot).  I have a problem with climaxing when we are engaging in sex together, mostly in the "missionary" position and "doggy" style.  Do you have any suggestions for me?  Also, he really enjoys giving me oral sex and we try to do a lot of clitoral stimulation with that and just as I feel that I'm going to orgasm it all stops.  I don't know what is wrong with me.  I am currently on the medication EFFEXOR XR (225 mg of it in fact) and I do know that that medication has a chance of sexual side effects, but what are those side effects?  Thank you so much for taking the time to read my letter. Sincerely, Beth

Dear Beth,
As far as I know, EFFEXOR XR causes no sexual side effects, though you should check with your physician in case the drug is affecting you in this way.  As a sex columnist with the Washington Square News at NYU, I regularly get questions about women having trouble obtaining orgasm.  The following was my response to one such similar inquiry…

…A number of things can be going on when a woman has trouble attaining orgasm.  Therefore, I can only provide you with an overview of things you’ll want to research in much more depth.  First – the basics: Every woman is different when it comes to orgasm.  There is no secret recipe that makes it happen. You have to experiment and find out what works for you.  Furthermore, factors like fatigue, mood, energy level, partner trust, amount and type of foreplay and stimulation, and life events can heavily impact a female’s ability to orgasm.  Now with all of that in mind, let’s consider some things that might be going on here and ways to help you out:

Is your partner putting pressure on you?  If so, you might be suffering from performance anxiety, the fear of failure during sex, and are repressing your sex drive.  In having sex, fool around because it’s fun, because it feels good, because you’re mad about each other… Don’t make orgasm the goal.  Quit thinking too much about.  Simply enjoy the moment, enjoy the sensations, and enjoy each other!

Consider your views on sex and how they’re impacting your sexual response.  Are there deeper issues going on with the fact that you’re sexually active?  Were you raised with negative messages about sex?  Would your family be upset if they found out you’re having sex?  Do you see sex as dirty?  Are you feeling guilty for having sex?  Did your boyfriend pressure you into having sex sooner than you were comfortable? 

 Learn what you like, and find this out on your own time - masturbate.  Try using clitoral stimulation, vaginal stimulation, and a combination of both.  See if you have a G-spot.  Stimulate your nipples.  Fantasize.  Use a vibrator on yourself.  And when you feel ready, teach your boyfriend a thing or two about your body.  Make sure that one of you stimulates the clitoris during missionary or doggie style. 

Take your time.  Quickies are out of the question.  You and your lover need to avoid rushing.  Allow yourself the time to get fully aroused.  Communicate.  Tell him what feels good.  Encourage him to stimulate you a certain way.  Don’t be afraid to show him how by playing with yourself. 

Take charge!  Try woman on top.  Not only are you able to work your clitoris well in this position, but you may enjoy being in control, and end up getting off on this!  Try other positions and forms of sex play where you’re the dominant partner.

Lastly, is he holding off long enough for you??  One thing that could help you would be for him to develop ejaculatory control.  The longer he can postpone his own orgasm, the better your chances of having your own during intercourse.



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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS

Ms. Robboy is the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of The Center for Growth Inc and How To Have Good Sex Inc.  Alex practices marriage and family therapy and sex therapy, and also conducts periodic seminars about human sexuality throughout the northeastern United States.

Ms. Robboy graduated from the University of Pennsylvania where she earned a Masters degree in Social Work, a Certificate of Advanced Studies in Human Sexuality Education and a Post-Masters Certificate in Marriage Counseling & Sex Therapy. Through the American Board of Sexology, she is a board certified sexologist and through the American Association of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists a certified sex therapist.  Additionally, she is a licensed clinical social worker and a member of the American Board of Marriage and Family Therapy.


  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 

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