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How
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Past Tips |
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ORGASMS
HTHGS: How to have an orgasm
Ask Alex,
I am 28. I have never ever had an orgasm by ANY means. I have tried
EVERYTHING,
I think. I was thinking perhaps I should look into
some herbal solutions. Can I take something to enhance desire/feeling? I
have talked to my doctors, friends, boyfriends.... it's frustrating. Can
you give me advice? Angie
Dear Angie,
I am wondering what EVERYTHING means.
1)
Do you masturbate? Many
women find it easier to have an orgasm from solo-sex (masturbation), than from
two-person sex. Have you ever tried
the Jack Rabbit? The Jack Rabbit is an excellent type of vibrator for women with
difficulties having an orgasm. The Jack Rabbit vibrator combines vaginal and
clitoral stimulation. Each form of stimulation has it’s own separate control
system to more specifically fit your bodies needs. The Jack Rabbit, can be
purchased at most sex toy shops or online
2)
When you are with a partner, what does your communication with him/her
look like? When something does not
feel good how do you let your partner know this? How do you let your partner
know when something feels particularly good? Or you would like to experiment
with something new? Often, women have difficulties having an orgasm with a
partner because they are not sure how to communicate to a partner their likes
& dislikes
3)
Do all your past lovers know that you have never had an orgasm? And if
so, how have the two of you tried to work on it? Often, the pressure of having
an orgasm is so great, that women (and men) find themselves telling their
partner’s that they have had an orgasm when they really didn’t just to make
the other person feel good, or stop. Unfortunately, sometimes when partners are told about the
‘orgasm’ issue, they shut down because they feel like you do not want them
sexually (ie. You are not turned on by them, or you would have had an orgasm).
Partners, have the unique ability of doing sexual things to you that you could
never do for yourself. Not only can
they give you oral sex, while touching your g-spot with their finger, but they
can ‘keep going’ even when you might have stopped.
4)
How good are you at being ‘selfish’ and receiving pleasure? Do you
feel like you are always needing to give? Could you comfortably have an entire
evening where you never (or almost never) touched your partner and she/he did
all the giving? Women sometimes experience difficulties with having an orgasm
because they feel uncomfortable receiving. Learning how to relax and enjoy the
moment can be difficult.
5)
How do you know when you are relaxed? Having an orgasm is a physical
response to stimulation. Thus, if
one can learn to relax enough, your body will naturally take care of itself. To
relax some women have found that two forms of stimulation is necessary.
One of the types of stimulation is what will make you excited enough to
have an orgasm, while the other form of stimulation is designed to
‘distract’ your brain long enough to let your body take over. For example,
some women who are very uncomfortable with anal stimulation have found that anal
stimulation combined with oral sex will allow them to orgasm. Some alternative
healers recommend getting high on marijuana specifically to learn how to have an
orgasm. Marijuana, they report is operates as a relaxant.
However, with this being said, Marijuana is an illegal substance and
considered by many to be a ‘gate-way’ drug to very addictive substances.
6)
What makes you so sure you have never had an orgasm? In my practice, I
have found that many women who initially complain that they have never had an
orgasm are indeed orgasmic. The problem is that they do not have realistic
expectations of what an orgasm is. Contrary to popular opinion, orgasms do not
always ‘rock your world’ and make you see stars.
7)
Lastly, what will be different once you have had an orgasm? How will your
sex life be improved? What do you imagine will happen?
Once you address
these specific questions, I will be in a better position to further address your
needs. There are many different ways to approach helping women (or men) who have
never had an orgasm, but before I offer any one specific ‘treatment’
procedure, a clear understanding of where the problem may stem from.
Hope this helps.
Ps. If
any readers have any suggestions, tips, or tricks about ways that they either
learned how to become orgasmic, or how they taught their partners to become
orgasmic, please send an email to alex@howtohavegoodsex.com
thank you.
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