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How
To
Have
Good
Sex!
Past Tips |
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Pleasuring
a woman
How To Have Good Sex, Inc.
HTHGS:
Can’t make her orgasm (written by Calee Spinney)
Ask Calee,
I
have come to the realization that I should ask for help! I am 18 years old
as well as my girlfriend. We have been dating for over a year and have
only been having sex for the last 3 months. However, it is quite often.
My problem is that no matter how long we have sex for, my stamina permitting,
she cannot come to orgasm. The problem is not time, I seem to have gotten
stamina down. She has never had sexual contact with any other person.
I was the first to lift her shirt! We have never talked about this but it
just worries me. We have a very open relationship and we can talk about
anything! except for this. I can't bring myself to bringing it up.
We talk about what feels good and what doesn’t... but never a word about
orgasm for her... I feel terrible because I enjoy myself so much.
She seems to be enjoying it because she usually initiates it. But there is
never a defining point for her. I feel terrible! I guess my question
or you is......how do I bring her to orgasm?.......what can do? .........my dorm
mate says its cause I am 18. Its funny until the next time we do it and I
know I am not doing for her, what she is doing for me. thank you for
your help. – Wanting to make her orgasm
Dear Wanting to make her orgasm,
It is really good that you are so concerned about your girlfriend’s pleasure.
This is an excellent first step. However,
even with my suggestions, you are going to need to talk to her about this,
because open communication is essential to having a pleasurable and rewarding
sexual relationship. I know that
most guys want some kind of magic tip that will make their partner orgasm every
time… But it’s just not that
simple. Every woman is different
and every one likes different things. The
best piece of advice I can give you is to really listen to what she has to say
about the issue, and listen to what her body is trying to tell you when you’re
being physical.
First off, your age has nothing to do with your ability to
bring your partner to orgasm. Instead,
it is your ability to be aware of what turns her on, and her preferences during
the sex act itself. And remember,
just because she is not having an orgasm does not mean that she is not enjoying
it.
Stamina doesn’t have as much to do with female sexual
pleasure as you might initially think. Yes,
women want sex to last longer, but not just the actual penetration portion.
Take your time with foreplay, and explore her entire body with your
fingers and tongue. There are lots
of erogenous zones throughout the body that she may not even be aware of.
Have fun, play, and most importantly, pay attention to how she responds!
There will be little clues that will tell you what she’s really
enjoying (like a change in breathing), or what she would like instead (like
lifting body parts to a different angle).
I’m not sure how much you know about the female anatomy,
but the body part responsible for orgasm in women is called the clitoris.
It is located on the vulva (the external part of the female genitalia),
outside the vagina. It is the little lump located above the vagina.
Traditional intercourse (man on top, simple penile penetration) does not
do a very job of stimulating this important area.
As a result, no matter how much you build up your stamina, unless you
stimulate her clitoris, she most likely won’t have an orgasm!
But the good news is that this stimulation can be done really easily.
To start, it is a good idea to have her on top – this gives
her more control of the movements and pace of intercourse.
It also allows you to stimulate her clitoris more easily.
Start slow, and pay attention to how she responds!
This is where communication comes into play again – ask her what areas
she likes to have stimulated, how hard, and how fast.
Some women don’t like having their clitoris stimulated directly, so you
may need to stick to the surrounding areas instead; some like the pressure to
get harder as they get closer to orgasm, etc.
You should also ask to see if she has ever had an orgasm.
If she is having trouble having one, it will almost certainly be easier
for her to have her first one through masturbation.
This is because she can explore her body on her own to find out what
feels good to her – she can’t tell you what she likes until she knows for
herself! Being alone also takes some of the pressure off.
This also gives her a chance to figure out what sensations she
experiences before she climaxes; these can be unnerving at first so it’s a
good idea for her to experience them alone for the first time.
Then once she gets comfortable with all of this on her own, you can start
working on it together.
It’s also not a good idea to approach this with the mindset
of “She’s going to orgasm tonight” – that kind of pressure will make it
impossible! Just work on
exploring, and increasing her pleasure a bit more every time. It just might surprise you sometime. And always remember to communicate communicate!
It is so important to keep in touch with her changing desires throughout
the sex act.
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