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Sexual
Positions
How To Have Good Sex, Inc
HTHGS: Woman on Top (Erin Black, BA)
Ask Erin,
Hey, my name is Lisa…and my boyfriend and are very serious and of course we
full around…we have sex and it feels good when he’s on top and then we do it
doggy style as well but I’m so afraid to do it on top…I seriously don’t
want him to be like “what the hell is she doing” or I don’t want to look
bad…can u help me with how to do it…or at least some tips??
Dear Lisa,
Let’s talk about why you are so afraid to be on top during sex.
You are worried that your boyfriend will think you don’t know what you
are doing and you are afraid that your lack of knowing what to do will ruin the
sex. Some people say the best way
to get past a fear is to just jump right into it.
I think that is a great idea!
So, let’s make you as comfortable with the idea of
being on top as possible, give you some tips and then send you off to practice!
There are a number of benefits to the woman choosing to be on
top during sexual intercourse. First,
she is in control of just about everything.
She decides when, how hard and how often her partners penis will enter
the vagina. This can be especially
fun because you can drive your boyfriend mad by taking your time or really going
at it and then backing off and starting all over again.
Another benefit to being on top, for some women, is it is easier to reach
orgasm. The clitoris is easier to access for massage, which either
you or your partner can do. Also,
by being on top the woman is tensing more muscles which helps to tense the
pelvic muscles that create the sensation of orgasm by pulsing. One more benefit is having a great vantage point to watch
what your boyfriend is experiencing by watching his facial expressions and for
some, the level of intimacy increases with all that eye contact.
Of course, you can choose to close your eyes, throw your head back or
even bury your head in his chest while you are on top if you don’t want to
look at him.
Now that we have covered some positives for being on
top let’s talk tips. You can
discuss with him about wanting to try new positions and then tell him what you
had in mind. You could push him
onto the bed without a word, stripping his clothes off piece by piece and
telling him in your most seductive voice that you are taking over tonight. Or you could roll him over after you have started intercourse
in the missionary position and climb on top.
Once you have him flat on his back you want to straddle his body, one of
your legs on either side of his so that your vulva is hovering over his penis.
Some women find that it is easier to get his penis into their vagina when
they are on top and they don’t have to use their hand to direct it in.
Go with what you feel comfortable with and never forget the power of
foreplay.
You don’t have to jump right into the sexual intercourse
especially if you are expressing your decision to be in control.
Kiss him all over by starting at the top or bottom and working your way
all over his body. Ask him nicely
or tell him he is not allowed to touch you and he has to put his hands behind
his head. Many men love it when a
woman takes control. Once you are
to the sexual intercourse remember to go with what you feel.
If you are enjoying going slow and easy then go slow and easy.
If you feel you need to go faster and harder then go faster and harder.
Ask your boyfriend what he is enjoying and to tell you what he wants but
also listen to what your body is saying. There
are times when his penis may fall out of your vagina while you are pumping –
it happens and you just put it back in and just keep going.
You can laugh about it and move on but don’t let it stress you because
it happens to most everyone. J
Also, being on top can be exhausting so don’t worry about having to
stay on top. Switch to a different
position or just take a break. It
is hard to have fun when your arms turn to jelly or you get a cramp in your leg.
Having sex is not necessarily pretty or perfect like
Hollywood makes it out to be. Sometimes
you bang your head on the wall or while trying to make some suave move someone
falls off the bed or the coffee table breaks.
The great thing about having a boyfriend or girlfriend is the freedom to
experiment and laughing together when something funny happens.
For many people sex is about having fun and you should enjoy it in any
number of positions, on any surface you choose and for as long as you want.
Your boyfriend probably wants you to enjoy sex and is not likely to laugh
at you if you are a bit nervous. If
he does ridicule you and make you feel bad than question the healthiness of
staying in a relationship with someone who does not respect you. There is a big chance, though, that he is just as nervous as
you are or maybe he would welcome the idea of helping to teach you new things.
Try talking to him and see exactly what he is feeling and what he thinks
about trying to different positions.
I can recommend an excellent book that both women and men can
enjoy and is fun to read together as a couple – The Guide to Getting It On
by the staff of Goofy Foot Press. You
can find a reference to this book at this website under the general sex heading
– http://www.howtohavegoodsex.com/books.htm
You can also pick it up at a number of bookstores.
Erin Black, BA
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