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        Sex positions 

Sex positions (written by Alex Robboy, LCSW, CAS)

Sex is like dancing. There are millions of moves, which each person can do. Yet the moves may take more than just a simple 'Yes I can do', they may need corrections which only your partner can do. You see, some of them require a slight twist of the hip or a shake of the arm. There is no right or wrong, just a feel that is good, thus, it is here that you will learn of some basic moves, which only you can improve".

For the beginning couple, I suggest experimenting with the following sexual positions. Note, even advanced couples can gain a lot from this section.

Suggestions:

  • Read these ideas together with your partner
  • Practice these ideas with your partner (or with a doll)
  • Latex Lady is made of Latex which makes her softer and more realistic than the other dolls.
  • Talk with your partner about what was exciting and scary about trying a new position
  • Remember the key to these positions, besides having fun, is they help you develop trust between you and your partner. To follow these directions and discover ideas together takes practice and a good deal of cooperation. Through the practice of these games, you may even learn something about your partner and yourself.

Sexual Positions *Ideal for new couples first starting to have intercourse*

Missionary Position (person with a penis or dildo on top) In the missionary position, the person with a penis or dildo is on top and assumes the dominant role. The other person who is on bottom assumes the passive role. (Each person is lying down, stomach-stomach, face-to-face. Most people may be able to remember using this position the first time they had sex or in their early days of sexual experimentation.) It is one of the tried and true methods for intercourse. Unfortunately, this position gets a lot of bad press. It is considered 'gendered and old-fashioned". I believe this is a great position. The person on top has a lot of control over the degree of stimulation that they get and the person on bottom can easily increase their sexual pleasure by masturbating while simultaneously having intercourse. If the partner on top is especially coordinated, she/he could also help masturbate the person on bottom. Some of the techniques used to create an intimate environment are eye-to-eye contact, guiding your partners hip movements with your hands, massaging your partner's neck/back, nibbling the other person's ears, necks or lips. And of course, whispering something that only your partner can understand.

Sexual Positions *For the creative couple who want a new sensation*

A slightly more technically advanced position, than the basic missionary position . . . for the adventuresome couple only. The person on bottom and the person on top switch leg positions. The person on bottom closes their legs (in the missionary position, the legs straddle (the person on top)). The person on top straddles the legs of the person on bottom. Visually, at least in my mind, it looks as if the person on top is doing a wide-legged push up. The benefit of this position is simple: for the person on top, additional stimulation to the penis/dildo and for the person on bottom, additional sensations on the inner thighs. Caution: the top position is (for a top that desires) a good physical workout. Expect to sweat.

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Sexual Positions *Ideal for a heavy-set couple*

A variation on the missionary position: The passive person sits on the edge of a chair or bed, and the person with a penis or dildo kneels in front of them. The person kneeling then uses his/her or hips to thrust. Neither person is putting weight onto the other person. As the person thrusting is perpendicular, his or her weight is used more efficiently. Sex is exercise and does burn calories. While this position requires a bit more co-ordination than the missionary position, it is often considered less intimate. Face-to-face contact, and whispering become less natural when not facing one another. However, this position does allow for great foreplay. The person with the penis/dildo is in an excellent position to explore their partner's genitals with their eyes, hands or mouth.

Sexual Positions *For the advanced, bored and/or uninhibited couple*

Instead of assuming the missionary position, where the couple is head-to-head and toe-to-toe, one person should reverse their position, so that the two of you will now be head-to-toe and toe-to-head. Again, the difference between this position and the missionary position is that this time, the partners face the opposite direction of each other. Each person has a view of the other person's feet. Make sure your feet smell good! The angle of entry is different and often will require verbal communication. To make this work, the person on bottom will need to arch her/his pelvic area (back flat against the ground) and communication between the two of you will need to be stellar. The angle of entry is very different than what most couples are used to. I strongly suggest that the woman help guide the penis/dildo with her hand into the correct position. This is a great position for couples who want to try something new, and are prepared to make fools of themselves and be comfortable laughing about how hard this position makes lovemaking.

P.S. while each of you are now facing each other's clean toes, why not have a nibble? Some people love a nibble. Sucking toes and massaging the insoles adds an extra stimulation which can be very arousing.

Sexual Positions *For a woman who wants to have intercourse for the first time*

Woman on top is recommended for women who are having sex for the first time because it puts them in control of the situation. The woman is in a position to engulf the penis/dildo at her own rate of comfort. Of course the other person has some control of the situation too because they are constantly talking/sharing feelings throughout this whole experience. In this position, the person on bottom should tilt her or his hips, back flat on the ground. This allows for an angle that often many women enjoy. In this position, the person on top often lies atop with her legs stretched out or bent. Sometimes, she may sit straight up and slide up and down. Many women report that they really like this position because of the added genital stimulation (the vulva rubs up against the person on bottom's pelvic bone). In addition, men (again, if they are coordinated) can stimulate their partner's vulva (and/or breasts and/or other body parts) with their hands or women could masturbate themselves while having intercourse. Many people on bottom find this particularly pleasurable because of the added visual stimulation of seeing her breast. For a woman who appears self-conscious, I recommend telling the woman how much you are enjoying the way she moves, and how good it feels. This may help her relax. As she relaxes, she may start to enjoy herself more. Actually, this tip goes to all people. Positive reinforcement of pleasurable sensations/movements is a good way to encourage your partner to continue whatever she/he is doing.

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Sexual Positions *For the couple who prefers to sit*

This position is for those people who enjoy slow motion sex. The angle for intercourse is not conducive to vigorous thrusting. Position the person with the dildo/penis sits cross-legged on the floor. The woman sits on top of him, with her legs straddled around him. They are sitting face-to-face. This creates a perfect opportunity to hug for a few minutes and be intimate. Be careful that you do not fall over! Sitting on top of each other and maintaining stability is a formidable task for most people. Some people prefer facing the same direction. This is preferable for those who feel less coordinated or embarrassed. You do not have to face the other person. But hey, if you can not laugh about sex with your partner, are you ready to be doing what you are doing with them? Sex is funny. Great chairs include rocking chairs, kitchen table chairs and, of course, the chair in the office. Sex on a chair makes for a good study-break.

Sexual Positions *For the coordinated couple in a rush*

A true quickie, for the super coordinated couple-- try standing and having sex. In the ideal world, both people would be of similar heights, or one person could be strong enough to lift the other person to reach the right level. Women need to tilt their pelvic, so that the vagina is forward, and easier to access. The person with a penis/or dildo either need to squat a bit or have the woman be on a small stool. However, if the woman is taller, then her partner may need to stand on the small stool. This type of intercourse seems to work well on staircases in an office building, down a dark alley, in the middle of a graveyard and other such forbidden places. I highly recommend at least one person wearing a skirt or some other such clothing, which will allow for easy access.

Sexual Positions * For the uncoordinated couple in a rush*

The woman puts her hands on a chair, desk, couch or wall, leans forward, butt into the air. The person with a penis/dildo penetrates her from behind. The woman will need to tilt her pelvic region to easy the entry of the dildo/penis into her vagina. The person from behind can controls the frequency of the thrusting. To help steady him, he/she can hold onto her butt/hips and thrust. Often couples enjoy hard thrusting. This position is much easier to achieve than the standard face-to-face position. This position is great because in addition to intercourse, it allows the person from behind to massage the woman's breasts, give big hugs and even manually stimulate her vagina with his/her hands. This position can also work well in a stairwell, in an office setting or in a graveyard. It is easy to use this position to have a 'quickie'. 

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Sexual Positions *For the pregnant woman*

This position, side-by-side is recommended for the person who is pregnant, or the couple who is sick of fighting about whose turn it is to go on top or bottom. In this position, the couple spoons together. This position can be very intimate. Many people report that it is a natural feeling to hug the other person and feel protected. In fact, some people find this position so relaxing that after intercourse, they fall asleep in this position. Ok, but how does this position actually work? Generally, the person with a dildo/penis is in back, but it could be done the other way around. When the woman is in front, to make her vagina easily accessible for penetration should tilt her pelvis back and stomach forward. The person from behind slides his penis/dildo in from behind. This, position is like the doggie-styled position, except that both people are lying down.

Now that you know some cool moves, remember the key to success is communication coupled with a bit of variation. Sex, like dancing, if always done the same way, can get boring. If you normally prefer to have sex in the morning, try having sex at night. If you normally have sex on the bottom, try standing up. If you like to have sex in bed, go hot tubbing and have sex in the hot tub. Change whatever you are doing. Catch your partner by surprise. The most boring thing in the world is if you can predict what your partner will do. If you find yourself never initiating sex, initiate it 4 times in one day. If you find yourself always instigating sex, then stop for two weeks and see how your partner reacts to changing her/his role. For that matter, if you always begin being sexually intimate by kissing first, play with her/his toes first. If you normally start touching the genital area, start by giving a backrub, which will turn into a front rub. Change is the most critical part here. Anything different is an improvement. For example:

  • Blindfold and tie one person's hands together. Then ask the person without use of their hands or eyes to explore your body.
  • Use foods, such as strawberries, whipped cream, chocolate or honey and spread them out over each other's body.
  • Create a romantic atmosphere in the bathroom (candles, music, and bubbles) and take a long luxurious bath. Wash each other from head to toe. After both of you are thoroughly relaxed and cleansed, start touching each other with your lips. Begin by sucking on each other's right toes and work you way all the way up to the left tip of their right finger.

Tips written by Alex Robboy, LSW

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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS

Ms. Robboy is the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of The Center for Growth Inc and How To Have Good Sex Inc.  Alex practices marriage and family therapy and sex therapy, and also conducts periodic seminars about human sexuality throughout the northeastern United States.

Ms. Robboy graduated from the University of Pennsylvania where she earned a Masters degree in Social Work, a Certificate of Advanced Studies in Human Sexuality Education and a Post-Masters Certificate in Marriage Counseling & Sex Therapy. Through the American Board of Sexology, she is a board certified sexologist and through the American Association of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists a certified sex therapist.  Additionally, she is a licensed clinical social worker and a member of the American Board of Marriage and Family Therapy.

 

  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to alex@howtohavegoodsex.com and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 
                                                                                    

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