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How
To
Have
Good
Sex!
Past Tips |
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Good Sex
HTHGS: The five predictors of
having good sex (written by Alex Robboy, LSW)
One: being physically fit.
Having sex requires physical energy. Thus, the sexual activities will be
modified, compensating for the person who fatigues easily. Being in shape allows
you to not only last longer, but to enjoy what you are doing in the moment
because you do not have to worry about all the sore muscles which you are
developing. Furthermore, having sex with someone who is in shape is more
physically appealing. It is nice to know that the person you are with takes good
care of themselves. That is appealing. In addition, when a person is in shape,
they are often able to maneuver you into a sexual position. They are able to be
on top for longer than two minutes, never mind the sweat that drips all over
you. To get into better physical shape, you have several options. You could
engage in more sex. If sex is a good work out, then why do more it? You could
also get a membership to a gym and start working out. Or you could start going
on long walks, or bike ride with friends.
Two: being physically coordinated.
Sex requires coordination. All good sex, whether it be solo sex (ie.
masturbation) two-person sex, or group-sex, requires moving to a rhythm. Those
without coordination are awkward. Coordination is not something that people
naturally have. Coordination can be improved by practice. So get ready to have a
lot of sex. Coordination can also be learned by taking dance classes, yoga
classes, tai chi classes and even swim classes. They all focus on centering your
energy and using multiple body
parts at the same time.
Three: having good communication skills.
Good sex requires sharing with your partner your likes and dislikes, and
listening to her / his likes or dislikes. Secondly, good sex (at least in the
long term) requires feeling connected. Feeling connected assumes that you feel
like your partner understands you, and that you understand her / him. Good
communication skills assumes good listening skills.
Four: being insecure.
The best lovers tend to be insecure lovers. Insecure lovers have a tendency
to by hyper-aware of how their partner is feeling, reacting, thinking. As a
result, the partner tends to go the extra mile to make sure that the other
person is happy. This makes for good sex. If the partner is not happy, than
she/he is not happy. One example of going the extra mile is: After the man
orgasms, he will still voluntarily, without being asked go down on a woman (i.e.
engage in cunnilingus).
Five: Being willing to take a risk, to experiment, to test ones own personal
boundaries
and
Six: Practice
Practice makes perfect!
All tips written by Alex Robboy, LSW
Letter
to the editor,
I read your "The five predictors of having good sex," and I agree with
four of the five, but take issue with your comment that "the best lovers
tend to be insecure lovers." If that were true, then the best relationships
-- from the perspective of trying to "make the other person happy"
would be codependent ones! Sure, YOUR needs may be met, but your insecure
partner's personal needs would not be.
The only needs that an insecure lover would have met would be the need to
please their partner in order to receive pleasure back. Quid pro quo.
Ron Polland, PhD
Dear
Ron Polland,
Point taken. Thanks for keeping me on my toes!
Alex Robboy, LSW
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